The New Girl in Town
by RedYellow11
Summary: Miley is seen as the perfect girl with the perfect friends and family. That is until Lilly, the new girl, arrives and turns her world upside down. Through it all, her experiences with Lilly make her realize who she really is. Liley. R&R.
1. The Meeting

A/N: I felt like it was time for me to start a new Liley story. Hope you enjoy it. Please R&R.

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A lot of people consider Miley Stewart to have the perfect life. She's smart, beautiful, funny, charming, sweet, caring, and above all, she's 100% sure of herself. Since she can remember, guys have wanted to be on her arm and by her side. She's got the perfect family and a best friend that would die for her. There was nothing wrong with her life.

Except, of course, that she faked it.

She never felt sure of anything she did. She always felt awkward in group situations. She didn't feel like she was beautiful. She felt like everyone was constantly staring at her. Basically she felt like every other teenager in the world, except no one seemed to realize it.

How do I know all this? Well, you may have guessed it by now, but I'm Miley. I'm 18, I'm a senior, and I live in Southern California with my dad and brother. I really do have a great family. I don't think my dad and I have ever seriously fought. As far as my brother's concerned…well, he's a boy. They're supposed to get on your nerves.

The best friend part is true, too. Oliver really would die for me. He's just about the only boy that doesn't drool when I walk through the halls. He's been there for my highest points, and pulled me out of my lowest. He's a sweetheart, and I sort of wish we were interested in each other.

You may be wondering why I don't consider my life perfect at this point. Well, I've always felt different. Something inside me told me that I wasn't the same as everyone else, but I couldn't pinpoint it. That made it even worse because I couldn't fix it if I didn't know what the problem was in the first place. I couldn't talk to anyone about it, because I didn't really know what we were supposed to talk about, so I kept it to myself.

I just acted like everyone expected me to. I'd walk through the halls with this big smile on my face and a swing in my hips. I'd walk like I owned the place, because that's what everyone thought I should do. It wasn't so hard to fake it most of the time. It was just on those rare days when I felt like everyone could tell I wasn't the same as them. I felt like everyone could see through my mask and tell what was wrong with me, even though I couldn't.

The problem was boys. Boys wanted me, but I just had no interest in them. The boys that went to my school were not impressive…at all. The only boy that even came close to ever getting my attention was Oliver, and even he fell short of the expectations I had subconsciously set in my head. I didn't even know what I wanted, but I knew it wasn't in anyone that was around me in my high school.

Well, I didn't know what I wanted until Lilly Truscott moved into town.

It was just another day in school. I was in math class, just like any other day. I was barely paying attention; I didn't really need to. Math was sort of easy for me. Senior math was the easiest. It's like the administrators just decided at some point that we had all had enough of math at this point, so we got an easy year. At least, that's how it felt to me.

About halfway through class, I heard the door open. I looked up, and saw a girl walking in. She was wearing a t-shirt and board shorts. She had a pair of red Converse on that really didn't match well with her outfit. She didn't have any make-up on and her hair was thrown back in a messy ponytail. I could tell she wasn't dressing to impress like I did almost every morning, but something about her made it to where I couldn't look away. She was so remarkably beautiful, but in the way that most people wouldn't notice. They wouldn't be able to look past the shoes and the clothes to see that she was rather gorgeous.

"Ah," my teacher said. "Class, this is Lilly Truscott. Lilly comes to us from Spokane, Washington. Tell us a little bit about yourself, Lilly."

I could tell that Lilly really hadn't wanted to say anything in front of everyone. She had this look of fear on her face, but she got in front of the class and started speaking.

"Hey, I'm Lilly. I guess the teacher already mentioned that." She giggled to herself, and then continued. "I…um…I don't really know what to say. I didn't wanna move my senior year, and I kinda miss my hometown, but I hope I can adjust here. Everyone seems pretty nice so far."

I could already tell I liked her. She seemed shy and soft spoken, but friendly at the same time. Something about her voice was very…silky. No, that's not the right word. I guess I'd have to go with smooth. Her voice was smooth and relaxing.

"Well, Miss Truscott," our teacher said, "you can sit down wherever you'd like. I think we have a few empty seats available."

Lilly looked around the room for a bit, trying to find where she'd like to sit. Finally, she looked at me, and our eyes locked. She had the most beautiful eyes. They were the kind you could get lost in if you weren't careful. She smiled at me, and I couldn't help smile back. She started walking towards me, and I moved the stuff off of the seat next to me so she could sit down.

"Hi," I said as she sat down. "I'm Miley."

"Nice to meet you, Miley. That's a really pretty name," she said.

"Thanks," I replied, trying not to blush. "How're you liking it here?"

"It's cool, I guess. Different, but cool." She paused for a moment, and looked me up and down. "So, you're not from here, are you?"

"Huh?" I asked in confusion.

"I just mean I heard your accent."

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "Yeah, I'm not from here originally, but we moved here when my mom died. My dad figured we needed a fresh start. He probably just felt like there were too many memories where we used to live."

"Oh wow," she said. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to make you bring that up."

"No! It's okay! You didn't know, and I've coped. I mean, you never get over losing your mom, but you deal with it…eventually."

She smiled and grabbed my hand. "She must've been beautiful." I hid my face in my hair to hide my blush. Lilly pulled back. "Sorry, I get carried away sometimes. I didn't mean to embarrass you or anything."

"Don't worry about it. That was…really nice." If anyone else had said it, I would've rolled my eyes, but something about the way she said it had made it seem so sincere.

"So…what exactly are we learning about right now?" Lilly asked.

"Well, we're learning how to balance a checkbook. It's really easy."

"Balancing a checkbook? Isn't that what they teach you in sixth grade?" Lilly giggled. I started giggling, too. Her laugh was infectious.

"Yeah, I know, but it's sort of comprehensive applicable and statistical math. It's not challenging at all."

"Well, when you say it like that, it makes it seem way over my head," Lilly said.

I smiled. "That's just a fancy way of saying it's learning how to make graphs and balance your checkbook."

"Well, if you'd said it that way in the first place, it would've been much simpler." Lilly smiled at me, and got closer so she could see out of my book. I got all these butterflies in my stomach. She was so close.

"Um…are you alright?" she asked.

"Huh?" I was saying that a lot around her.

"You're shaking and kind of breathing heavy. Am I in your personal bubble or something?" she asked.

I hadn't realized that I was shaking or breathing heavy, but when she mentioned it, I did.

"Oh, it's just because it's a little cold. I've gotten used to the California weather."

"Oh yeah. This is cold to you guys. To me, this is spring weather. It's pretty nice." She flashed me another smile, and again, I got butterflies. I figured it was just because I was nervous around Lilly because she was new. I never acted like it, but I was rather shy.

Class finally ended, and I didn't see Lilly again for the rest of the day. I couldn't stop thinking about her, though. Something about her was…different. She was so pretty without trying to be, and she had this confident air about her, but it was like she didn't even realize it was there. She was a genuinely real person, and she intrigued me.

We only had the one class together, and we barely talked. I'd offered to tutor her in math just to get to know her better, but she'd said something along the lines of you'd have to be an idiot to need a tutor in this stuff. She didn't say it in a rude way, and she almost seemed disappointed to turn me down, but that may have just been in my head.

She'd been in town for two weeks, and we'd barely seen each other. She was very quiet, and she always seemed to be writing. She'd take down notes in a journal about almost everything. I guessed she was just the type of person that liked to analyze everything around her. That basically led to us barely saying hi and 'bye to each other.

In any case, I felt like I needed to get to know her better. I just didn't know how.


	2. Having a Friend

Lilly was a very hard person to get to know.

It wasn't even necessarily that, it was just that I had such a hard time talking to her. I'd try to talk to her during class, but I'd always feel like I was interrupting her somehow. She was always writing, and she had this intense look on her face when she was jotting stuff down. I felt like I would be disturbing her flow or something. I didn't want to annoy her.

I tried to talk to her during lunch, too, but I was usually sitting with a big crowd, and they'd probably follow if I just left. It was like I was famous at my school. Besides Oliver, no one really knew when to leave me alone. Either that, or they just didn't care. In any case, even the one time I'd managed to give everyone the slip, I couldn't find her. I had no idea where she ate lunch, and there were a lot of places to eat lunch at my school.

On top of that, I'd always get really nervous every time I did have a chance to talk to her. I didn't know what it was about her, but my mouth would go dry, and I'd get all jittery. I'd always end up chickening out and telling myself that I'd talk to her the next chance I got. Needless to say, I never did.

I was starting to lose hope, so I did what I always do when I feel bad; I talked to Oliver. Somehow, he kind of always knew what to do. It was a Saturday afternoon, and he'd invited me over to his house to keep him company while his parents were on vacation. Oliver's parents went on vacation a lot. He rarely saw them.

"So," I said while I was watching him play some stupid video game, "have you met that Lilly girl?"

"Oh, you mean Lilly Truscott?" he asked. "Yeah, we have two classes together. She's really nice. We talk in class and text and stuff."

"Do you guys talk a lot?" I asked. "Like, would you say you two were friends?"

"Not exactly. More acquaintances. We have similar taste in movies and video games...so we'll probably end up being friends…or more." Oliver wiggled his eyebrows at me.

"So you think she's into you?" I asked. "Are you into her? Since when? Why didn't you tell me?" I didn't know why this was upsetting me so much. It wasn't like I was into Oliver. He's like my baby brother.

"Um…because I didn't think you'd be upset," he said. He paused his game and looked at me. "Miley, are you jealous?"

That was the most complicated question ever. I had no idea why I would be, but I sort of was. "No! What do I have to be jealous of?"

"Maybe, after all these years, you've finally fallen head-over-heels in love with me," he said with a smug smile on his face.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, dream on, Lover Boy. There is no way that will EVER happen. Not if you were the last man on earth and I was the last woman and the fate of the human race depended on it."

"Geez," he said, clutching his chest. "Why don't you just rip out my heart with your bear hands?" He fell dramatically to the floor, moaning like an idiot. I just laughed.

"Oliver, quit it! I'm sorry, okay?" he sat up, and laughed.

"Seriously, Miley. Why are you so curious?" he asked. "I mean, you know I was just joking, right? She's nice, but so clearly not interested in me that way. For that matter, I'm not so sure that I like her that way, either."

"I know," I said. I was lying. "I just wanted to know what you knew about Lilly."

"Why? What's so special about her?" he asked.

"I don't know. She just seems like…have you ever looked at someone and immediately realized that you wanna know them better?"

"Um…no," he said. "I don't know what you mean."

"Well…" I went to explain to Oliver, but I didn't even really know what I meant. "It's weird. I guess it may be because I'm so desperate to have a friend that's a girl. No offense to you, Ollie."

"Hey, I don't take offense to you not calling me a girl." He laughed at his own joke, and I rolled my eyes at him again. "But Miley, there are tons girls at school who would die to be your friend."

"Please! All the girls at school either hate me and buddy up to me to get guys, or barely know me, and buddy up to me to get guys. Those aren't real friends, and you know that."

He sighed. "I guess there really is a price to being beautiful, rich, and loved by everyone." He laughed and I punched him on the shoulder. "Hey!"

"Jesus, Oliver. When you say it like that, you make me sound like one of those girls who cries when daddy can't buy them a Lexus on their sweet 16. It's not like I think I have it hard. I just wish people didn't suck so much sometimes. All the guys drool over me and all the girls hate me because the guys drool over me."

"I know," Oliver said. "I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I don't envy your popularity. It seems like no fun."

"Well, Oliver," I said, "you aren't exactly out of the limelight, yourself."

"Yeah, but I don't have to deal with have the stupid, jealousy stuff you do. Guys don't do that petty stuff as much."

"Lucky you," I said.

Oliver shook his head. "Look, Miley. You're the sweetest, most caring person in the entire world, and anyone who can't see that must be completely stupid."

I smiled at Oliver. "That's really sweet, Oliver. Thanks."

"So when are you gonna talk to her?" he asked.

"Who? Lilly?"

"Yeah…duh. When are you gonna talk to her?" he asked. I didn't really have an answer, so I just shrugged, and we moved on to another subject.

I finally did get my chance to talk to Lilly. I was walking along the beach (one of the many perks of living right off of one) and I saw her sitting there. She was alone, and looking at the ocean. She looked so calm and peaceful.

I debated just turning around and going home. I didn't want to disturb her. She may very well have been trying to get away from a house full of little siblings and parents who could barely keep it all together. I didn't want to just add to the noise in her head. Then again, she may have been just sitting there, and she may not have minded having someone to keep her company.

I couldn't tell which scenario was right. I decided that I wasn't gonna get a more perfect time to talk to her alone, so I just went for it.

"Hey there," I said. She jumped. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

"Oh, don't worry about it. I'm just kind of a jumpy person. What's up, Miley?"

"Nothing, really. I just saw you sitting here alone, and I figured you could use some company." Lilly just looked at me quietly. "I can leave if you want. I should've figured you'd want to be alone. I'll go now." I started to walk away.

"No, please stay," she said, grabbing my hand. "It would be nice to have someone here with me." My hand felt all tingly and I got a little light headed, so I sat down next to her. "I was just watching the waves. It's nice being so close to the beach. It's the one thing we didn't have back home."

"Yeah, but where you're from, it'd be snowing right now." I said. "I love the snow."

"I do, too," she said. "That's probably what I miss the most."

"What about all your friends?" I asked. "It must've been hard leaving all of them your senior year."

"Actually, I don't really have any friends there," she said. "I was sort of a loner."

"Really? But you're such a nice, pretty person." I hadn't really meant to say the pretty part, but she didn't seem to notice, so I continued. "I'm sure there were tons of people that are going to miss you."

"No, I really wish there were, but there aren't" she said. "I just didn't get along with people…or they didn't get along with me. I guess it depends on your point of view."

"Wow…that must've sucked for you. I kinda know how you feel," I said.

Lilly laughed. "You're constantly surrounded by people basically worshiping the ground you walk on," she said. "How could you possibly know how it feels to be alone?"

I looked at the sand. "I didn't mean anything by it. It's just that I can't really depend on any of them. Yeah, everyone knows my name, but almost no one really knows me. Oliver comes the closest, but even he doesn't know everything that's going on in my head." I looked back at Lilly. "I'm sorry if it sounded like I was trying to belittle your issues or something."

"No, I didn't mean to snap at you," Lilly said. "Sometimes, I sound a little more defensive than I mean to." She paused. "I didn't realize that it was like that for you. You don't act like it. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," I said, and then we dropped into silence. It wasn't quite an awkward silence, but it wasn't comfortable either. I felt like it needed to be broken.

"So, why did your family decide to move down here?" I asked.

"Oh…it's not my family. It's just me. I don't have any siblings, and my parents…aren't around anymore."

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, Lilly. What happened to them? Was it some sort of accident?"

"I…"Lilly turned away from me. "I don't really wanna talk about it. It's still kind of a fresh wound."

I wanted to hug her or do something, but I felt like that would be too forward, so I just sat there until Lilly turned back to me, and there were tears in her eyes.

"Oh Lilly," I said, putting my arm around her. "It's okay." She leaned in closer to me, and it made me feel…funny. Not bad funny, but good and different funny…if that makes any sense.

"This is nice," she said, pulling me even closer.

"What's nice?" I asked.

"Having a friend."

I just smiled, and kept holding her and watching waves.


	3. The Journal

A/N: I'm SO sorry it took so long to update. I got a job, and I'm getting ready for college. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please R&R.

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Since that day on the beach, Lilly and I had become almost inseparable. We'd gotten in trouble so many times for talking in Math class that the teacher threatened to split us up. Lilly started sitting with Oliver and me at lunch, and she'd quickly become a part of our inner circle…and it didn't go unnoticed. I'd hear people whispering in the hallways about how they were confused how Lilly and I had become so close so fast. It was like they didn't think Lilly was good enough to be my friend. I could tell it bothered her, but she'd never own up to it.

We spent almost every night together. She'd spend nights at my house, I'd spend nights at her house, or we'd both spend the night at Oliver's. It was weird when I'd go to her place, because she didn't have anyone else around. It would just be me and her, and it seemed so empty. It was a decent place, don't get me wrong, but I'd never had any friends that were completely on their own

"Lilly," I said one Friday night when we were having a slumber party at her house, "you don't work, right?"

"Um…no. Why?"

"It's just…how do you live here?" I asked. "I mean, how do you pay for this place?"

Lilly looked down. "I have…relatives paying for it. I get sent money every week."

"Wow," I said. "That's very nice of your family, but why don't you just move in with them rather than trying to live on your own? You must get lonely, and-"

"Do you wanna watch a movie or something?" she asked, cutting me off. I just smiled and nodded, knowing that this was another one of those times that Lilly didn't want me to know something.

That happened a lot. Whenever I asked about her family or her past, she always got really quiet and reserved. I tried to not let it bother me, but it really did. What was she hiding from me? What was so bad that I couldn't know? It really hurt to know that she couldn't trust me.

We watched the movie (The Dark Crystal…one of our favorites), and Lilly fell asleep about halfway through it. I liked to watch Lilly sleep. I never told her I did because I thought she might think it was weird or something. Thinking about it, it was kind of weird, but I couldn't help it. It was that invisible force that always drew me to Lilly, and I could never fight it.

I noticed that her journal was sitting right in front of her. She'd been writing in it all night. I looked at it…well, I more stared. There had been so many times that I'd wondered what she was writing in there. Did it say anything about her parents or her life in Washington? Did it say why she'd moved here instead of with relatives? Mostly, I wondered…did it say anything about me?

I knew I shouldn't look. This was probably something like Lilly's diary. It wasn't my place to look…but I reached out and started to grab it. Just as I started to pull it towards me, Lilly turned over, and I snatched my hand back. I was terrified that she'd realized what I was doing, but it only took a second for me to realize that she was just turning over in her sleep. Still, I didn't try to grab it again. I felt ashamed that I'd even tried to in the first place. I rolled over and tried to go to sleep.

The next day, Lilly and I went to Oliver's house. The three of us always had a great time together. It usually consisted of Lilly and Oliver trying to teach me how to play video games, and me barely catching on enough to not die in the first three seconds. Besides that, we mostly just pigged out on food and joked around.

Today, however, Oliver had invited Jake Ryan over to hang out with us. Jake was…alright, I guess. He was what most girls thought of as the perfect guy. He was tall and smart and handsome. Everyone wondered why we weren't coupling up yet. The whole school figured that we were so perfect that we'd make the perfect couple. I know Jake agreed. He'd asked me out, like, 20 times, but I just wasn't interested. I wasn't quite sure why, but Jake was just a friend and nothing more to me. Jake wasn't good at taking a hint, though, so he just kept asking.

"So, Miley, How've you been?" he asked me in the kitchen while Lilly and Oliver were busy in the living room playing Metroid Prime. "We haven't really talked lately."

"I've been okay. I've mostly just been hanging out with Lilly."

"Yeah," Jake said. "I've noticed. You two seem pretty close these days."

"Yeah…she's just really easy to talk to, you know?"

"Sure," he said. "Look, I didn't really wanna talk about Lilly. I more wanted to talk about you…and what you're doing tonight?"

I rolled my eyes. "As a matter of fact, I'm going to the movies with Lilly."

Jake sighed. "Don't you think you could stand to be away from Lilly for awhile? You two aren't actually attached at the hip, you know."

"Look, Jake, I'm not going anywhere with you tonight, alright? We're just friends."

"I don't know why you keep trying to fight it. We're gonna end up together. Everyone sees it but you." He stepped closer to me. "Why don't you just accept it?"

"Jake, you're making me a little uncomfortable, here."

Jake kept leaning in closer. Was he going to try to kiss me? I hoped not, because I was trapped in a corner with nowhere to run.

"Just let it happen, Miley," he said.

"Jake, stop!" I yelled, but he didn't. I snapped my eyes closed, and braced myself. Just before he pushed his lips on mine, someone yanked him to the ground.

"She made it pretty clear that she wanted you to stop," I heard Lilly's voice. "Seriously, are you that desperate?" I opened my eyes, and Lilly was standing right in front of me. "Are you okay?"

It was weird. I didn't know where the feeling came from, but it was there. With her so close, smiling at me and making me feel safe, there was nothing a wanted more in that moment.

I really wanted to kiss her.

I closed my eyes and imagined how that would feel…Lilly's lips on mine. Just thinking about it had my heart racing.

"Um…Miley?" I heard Lilly's voice again. "You still with us?"

I opened my eyes. "Sorry," was all I could manage out.

"It's fine."

We just stood there, smiling at each other.

"What the hell was that, Lilly?!" I heard Jake yell from the floor. Lilly's head snapped back to look at Jake as he continued. "Couldn't you see we were in the middle of something?!"

"I believe you were in the middle of forcing a kiss on Miley."

"Oh, she knows she wanted it!" he yelled.

"Says the future rapist!" she yelled back, standing in front of me protectively.

"Oh shut up! It wasn't like that at all!"

"What the hell is going on in here?" Oliver asked, walking into the kitchen.

"Lilly was just poking into other people's business!"

"More like saving Miley from your scumbag friend!"

"Okay," Oliver said. "I'm not getting anywhere with you two. What happened, Miley?"

I was so confused for so many reasons that I barely had enough sense to answer him.

"Um…Jake tried to kiss me, Lilly intervened." Oliver snapped his head to Jake.

"You promised you weren't gonna try anything, man! Come on!" Oliver grabbed Jake off the floor, and then started pulling him out of the room.

"What are you doing?" Jake asked.

"I'm throwing you out!" Oliver left the room. I heard the door open, and then slam shut. Oliver came back into the kitchen. "Miley, I'm so sorry. He said he'd behave. I should've known this would happen."

"Don't worry about it, Oliver. It isn't your fault," I said.

The rest of the day went on pretty normally. Oliver and Lilly playing video games, and me sitting on the couch watching them. Well, today I wasn't watching them so much. I was off in my own little world, thinking about…Lilly.

Why had I wanted to kiss her? I'd originally figured it was because I'd been bracing myself to kiss Jake. Like, my body was ready to kiss someone, but that couldn't be it. I didn't want to kiss Jake; I'd been dreading it. Looking at Lilly…all I wanted to do was kiss her…more than I'd ever wanted to kiss anyone. Maybe it was because she saved me. I might have just felt gratitude. I figured that had to be it. Still, I couldn't get it off of my mind.

Finally, Lilly and I were leaving to go to her house and get ready for the movies.

"Are you sure you can't come, Oliver?" Lilly asked. "You're more than welcome."

"Yeah, we'd love it," I said. I hadn't wanted him to come, but I was starting to feel a little weird around Lilly by myself.

"Nah, I'm okay. My parent's are coming home tonight, and they like it when I'm here to greet them. You two have a good time, though."

Lilly and I started to walk away, but she stopped.

"Shit," she said. "I left my journal inside. I'm gonna go grab it."

Oliver and I stood outside and waited for her to come back.

"I'm so glad I met her," I said. I'd meant to just think it, but I guess it slipped out.

"Yeah, she's really cool," Oliver replied. "I always figured when you finally got a girl friend, I'd be totally left out."

I know he hadn't meant it to sound this way, but when he said girlfriend, I twitched a little. It made me feel funny…sort of how I seemed to be finding myself feeling a lot lately. I ignored it and kept talking to Oliver.

"Oliver, you should know I'd never abandon you. You're my best friend."

"Correction: I'm one of your best friends." He smiled at me. It was amazing how understanding and accepting he was of everything. I hugged him. When we broke apart, Lilly was standing in the doorway.

"Um, Oliver," Lilly started, "I was wondering if you moved my journal."

"What journal?" he asked.

"It's blue with black dots on it. Have you seen it?"

Oliver went pale. "That was yours?"

"Yeah," she said. "You've seen it?"

"Well…um…I didn't know that was yours. I'm really, REALLY sorry." Oliver looked like he was about to pass out.

"Oliver," I said. "What's going on?"

"Well…Jake took it right before I threw him out."

"WHAT?!" Lilly screamed.

"I didn't know! I really, seriously didn't know! I'm sorry! I'll get it back!"

"Shit!" Lilly screamed.

"Lilly, it can't be that bad," I said, seeing tears welling up in her eyes.

"You have no idea how bad this is!" Lilly took off running. I tried to catch her, but Oliver grabbed me.

"I don't think this is something you can deal with, Miles. She seems really upset."

"I know! That's exactly why she needs me right now!" I yelled, trying to pull free.

"I think more than anything, she needs a little time alone!" Oliver said. I kept trying to pull free, but Oliver was stronger than me, so I gave up, and went back inside with him.

I didn't get it. Lilly seemed so upset. This wasn't just the kind of upset that comes from someone stealing your stuff; it seemed like she was afraid. Before she ran off, she could barely look at me. I wanted to know.

What was in that journal that was so bad?


	4. Out

Lilly didn't talk to me for the rest of the weekend. I'd called her a few dozen times at least. Eventually, the phone just stopped ringing, and it went straight to her voicemail. Oliver had gotten a hold of her at some point, but I guess she didn't say much to him, either.

I was really worried. I know we hadn't known each other very long, but I was starting to feel like I knew her. She was this tough person on the outside, but I knew that she was really sweet and gentle around people she trusted. I knew her better than I knew myself sometimes. I'd told her so many times that she'd never have to hide anything from me, and I thought that she would trust me enough to know that she could talk to me about pretty much anything.

Then again, there was her whole life before she moved here. I didn't know anything about that. I'd asked about it more times than I could count, but she'd always find a way to tell me a whole bunch about her life without telling me anything at all. I said it before, and I'll say it again; it really bothered me, even though I knew it shouldn't.

That journal was really the only thing she seemed to tell everything about herself. It probably said everything about her life before the move…and it most likely had all the details of what happened to her parents. It had all the insights into what she was thinking almost every second of the day.

I guess I'd be a little scared, too. Still, it seemed like there was more to this.

It was Monday, and Oliver showed up on my door. We walked to school together every day.

"Where's Lilly?" I asked. She usually walked with us.

"She called last night. Said she might just skip today."

I frowned. I really wanted to see Lilly. I wanted to make sure she was okay. But there was something else that bothered me.

"Why didn't she call me?" I asked, barely realizing I was saying it out loud.

"I don't know. Maybe she just figured…" Oliver searched for an explanation, but couldn't find one. "Yeah, I'm just as stumped as you are."

"Let's just leave," I said. We walked to school in silence. I think Oliver could tell I wasn't in the mood to talk. I couldn't believe I'd been so stupid. She didn't trust me at all…and it really hurt, because I'd told her about absolutely everything.

Well…not everything. I hadn't told her about the whole…wanting to kiss her thing on Saturday, but that wasn't the same. That wasn't even that big of a deal; it was just some form of temporary insanity or something. It wasn't like I wanted to be a couple or anything.

Anyway, I told her about all the really important stuff…how I'd lost my mom and how I always felt out of place. She never told me anything like that. She just wrote it down, and I'd be left hanging. I really shouldn't be mad at her, but I sort of was.

We finally got to school. I had no idea if Lilly would be there, but I was starting to not care.

"Hey," I heard a voice from behind me say. It was Lilly. I was ready to be mad at her and chew her out for not calling me back, but when I saw her, I couldn't do it. She was so physically worn down with sadness.

"Hey, stranger," Oliver said. "We barely heard from you at all yesterday."

"Sorry. I just…had a lot on my mind." Lilly looked at me. "Can I talk to you for a minute, Miley?"

I nodded, and Oliver took the hint and walked away.

"You didn't talk to me at all. What's going on?" I asked. Lilly didn't answer.

"Look," she said. "I just wanted you to know that you might start hearing things about me, and I understand if you don't want me talking to you anymore."

"What? There's nothing that bad that I could hear about you."

"Oh, trust me. You really don't know me that well."

That hurt.

"Why don't you just tell me, then?" I asked. "Just tell me and get it out of the way."

Lilly shook her head. "I can't."

"Why not?" I asked.

"I just can't! Just take it at that and drop it!" Lilly ran off.

I went to class, and tried to ignore the lump in my stomach.

It wasn't long before I started hearing things. Two boys that sat in front of me in my English class were talking.

"Did you hear about the new girl?" the first boy asked.

"Who?" This second boy looked back at me, and then leaned in closer to the first. "Miley's friend?"

I usually didn't eavesdrop on people, but considering the subject matter, I felt I was almost required to.

"Yeah. I guess she was hanging out with Jake this weekend, and he read that notebook she's always carrying around."

The second boy looked unimpressed. "So? Jake pulls stunts like that all the time. Remember last year when he stole Ashley's diary?"

"Dude, that's so not the point. It's what he read in it."

"If it's anything like Ashley's diary, it's mostly just talking about herself."

The first boy shook his head. "No, it's WAY better than that."

The second boy smiled. "Okay, I'm listening."

"You're totally not gonna believe this." Boy 1 paused.

"Okay, you can tell me anytime, now."

"She's gay," he said. I didn't think I'd heard that right.

The second boy rolled his eyes. "Oh, shut up."

"No seriously! Jake read it! She's a total dyke. I guess her parents abandoned her because of it or something."

Boy 2 shook his head. "Nuh uh! I don't believe you!"

"Jake told me himself. He said he was going to bring it to school today and show everyone."

After that, I sort of zoned out. This couldn't be true. Jake probably wasn't impressed with what he'd read, and he'd decided to spice it up. She couldn't really be…could she?

It made sense with how weird she was about her journal. This would be big enough to male her afraid of it getting out…especially if the thing about her parents was true. Still I had a hard time believing it. Mostly because I really didn't want it to be. It made everything too complicated.

The bell rang, and the first thing I did was find Oliver. I guess he'd been looking for me, too.

"Did you hear about Lilly?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said. "What are we gonna do?"

"We're gonna find Jake and beat him until he gives us Lilly's journal back."

"Do you think it's true?" I asked.

"Who cares? Jake's being a dick, and we need to stop him for Lilly." Oliver started to walk away. I didn't follow, so he looked back. "Are you coming, or what?"

"What if it's true?" I asked.

"Who cares? If she's gay, it doesn't change anything. She's still Lilly, and she's still our friend." He stopped for a second. "Would you have a problem with it?"

I didn't answer for a minute. I knew I wouldn't have a problem with it…if it was somebody else. I'm not homophobic or anything. I mean, if Oliver came out to me, I wouldn't even blink an eye. Like he said, it doesn't change who you are. But Lilly being gay…frankly, it scared me. It scared me because it made me think of Saturday and how I'd wanted to kiss her.

"No," I finally said. "I'm just concerned. Let's go find Jake."

Oliver smiled at me, then grabbed my hand, and we went off to find Jake. It didn't take very long. He was surrounded by a group of people.

"Yeah," he said. "I swear. She's totally gay, and it's all right here." He held up Lilly's journal. Before I knew what was happening, Oliver grabbed Jake and pushed him up against the lockers.

"Let go of me!" Jake yelled.

"No!" Oliver yelled. "I can't even believe I thought you were an okay guy. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What are you talking about?" Jake asked, trying to sound innocent.

"You know damn well what I'm talking about!" Oliver slammed Jake onto the lockers again.

"Oh!" Jake said. "You mean Lilly's diary?" Oliver rolled his eyes. "Hey, it's not my fault that she's a big lesbo."

"Yeah, but it's your fault that the whole school knows!" I finally chimed in. "You had no right to do this!"

"Hey, I felt everyone needed to know. I mean, didn't you ever wonder what she was writing in here?"

I had, but that wasn't the point. "You still had no right."

"Oh, Miley," Jake said. "You wanna know what it says about you?" Jake handed it to me. I was so tempted to open it and read. I wanted to know what was inside more than anyone else. In the end, I knew Lilly was my friend, and she didn't want me reading it.

"Thanks, Jake. I'll be giving this back to its rightful owner."

Jake frowned. "You aren't going to even peek?"

I shook my head. "We aren't all scum, Jake."

"Fine," he said. "Just be careful around her, because apparently, it's not only the boys in this school that have the hots for you."

I glared at Jake. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think you know. There's an awful lot about you in there. I believe at one point, the words 'love of my life' may have been used."

Oliver punched Jake in the mouth.

"Oliver!" I yelled as Jake fell to the ground.

"I had to do something to shut him up!" Oliver and I started quickly walking away.

"She was right!" Jake yelled from behind us. "You do have a nice ass!" Everyone in the hallway started to laugh. I saw Oliver start to turn around, but I stopped him.

"It's not worth it," I said. We didn't say much after that, because we were about to be late to class.

My next class was math. By the time I got into class, Lilly was already sitting there with her head on the table. I tapped her shoulder, and she sat up. She smiled at me.

"You're here!" she yelled. I jumped a little. "Sorry, I just thought you were…avoiding me or something."

I sat down next to her. "I'm not avoiding you, Lilly. I don't have a reason to.

Lilly sighed. "So you haven't heard yet?"

"What, that you're gay?" I asked. Her eyes got big. "Yeah, I heard. I don't care. Neither does Oliver, just in case you were wondering."

"Really?" she asked. "Are you sure?"

"Lilly, you're one of my best friends. This isn't a big deal." I was trying (and succeeding) to seem like I didn't care. Oh, I cared, but not because I thought Lilly had something wrong with her. It was because it made me excited to know that Lilly was gay…and possibly in love with me. All these little things were starting to worry me.

"So…did you hear anything else?"

I wasn't sure if I should tell her the truth or not. If I didn't, I was afraid Lilly would just avoid the discussion until I found out…or admitted finding out. If I told her I knew something else, then we would have to have the aforementioned discussion…and I didn't think I was ready for that. I decided I had to tell her the truth.

"Well…Jake mentioned something about…your parents." Okay, I chickened out, but that really was something else I'd heard.

Lilly looked at the floor. "Oh…well…that's a long story."

"Lilly, just tell me…please."

Lilly sighed, and looked up at me. "Okay. Short version: my parents found out I was gay, and told me that I could move anywhere as long as it was far away from them. They pay for me to stay away, and tell everyone that I went to college early."

"Are you serious?" I asked. She nodded. "I can't believe that. All that just because you're gay?"

"Well, Dad's a pastor, so he can't exactly have a gay kid. It would ruin him…at least that's what he said while I was packing."

Lilly was shaking trying to hold back the tears. I grabbed her and held her.

"Miley, you shouldn't do that," she said. "People are gonna start saying things about you."

"I don't care," I said. I could feel people staring at us, but I really didn't care. Lilly needed me. I finally let go, and I saw that a few tears had made their way out of Lilly's eyes.

"Thanks, Miley," she said.

"Oh, that's not all," I said reaching into my backpack and grabbing her journal.

"How did you get this?" Lilly asked, taking it from me.

"It was mostly Oliver. He grabbed Jake and demanded it back."

"Remind me to get Oliver something really good for his birthday," Lilly said. The teacher walked in, and Lilly and I stayed pretty quiet for the rest of class.

I wanted to talk to her about what Jake had said. I wanted to know if it was true. Did she really love me, or had he just said that to get under my skin? More importantly, did I want her to be in love with me? Part of me sort of did. That left the big question.

Why?


	5. Almost

Things got really difficult for Lilly after she was outed. I didn't know that people were still so homophobic, but they really were. Sure, some people seemed to not care in the slightest, but there were a lot of people that would give her crap. One day, we were walking to class, and some guy just called her a dyke. Another day, Amber (our school's resident bitch) started spreading rumors that Lilly had tried to get her number.

Things weren't so easy for me, either. People weren't being as overtly rude to me, but I wasn't stupid. More than once, I'd caught people talking about me. They figured since Lilly and I had gotten so close so fast, we had to be a couple. People bothering me seemed to bother Lilly more than people bothering her.

The worst always came from Jake. He was merciless. He'd always pick on Lilly, and because he was basically school royalty, everyone just went along with it. Still, in all of this, he was still trying to get a date with me.

One day, he caught me at my locker.

"Hello, Miles. What's up?" he asked. I ignored him. "Okay, did I do something?"

"Are you serious?" I asked. "Are you really dumb enough to not know, or are you just that much of an asshole?"

"Is this about Lilly?"

I rolled my eyes and started to walk away. Unfortunately, he followed.

"Look, I don't know if you know this, but people are starting to talk about you," he said. "They think you're…you know."

"I know what they're saying. I just don't care." I picked up my pace, and he matched it.

"I was serious when I said you should watch out for her. I mean, you don't want everyone to think you're like her, do you?"

"Again, Jake, I don't care."

Jake sighed. "You're gonna care when she's trying to jump you while you sleep.

"Could you try not being a sleaze ball for, like, a second?" I asked him, finally stopping.

"It's gonna happen one of these days. You'll be at her house, watching a movie, and she'll snuggle up to you, and you won't think anything of it. You'll just think she's being friendly until she flips you on your back and tries to-"

"To what?" I cut him off. "To force a kiss on me, because I thought that was more your style."

"Oh, whatever, Miley! You're gonna be sorry when everyone's calling you a dyke."

I pushed Jake, and he tripped and fell to the floor. Oliver happened to walk up and witness it. He started laughing.

"Jesus, Jake! Aren't you sick of getting your ass knocked to the floor?" Oliver kept laughing.

"Oh, shut up!" Jake yelled as he picked himself up. "When you finally come to your senses, I may not be here, anymore." With that, Jake left.

"What was that about?" Oliver asked.

"Nothing. Just more of Jake making a complete ass of himself."

"What happened to him? He used to be okay. He wasn't ever cool or anything, but he was at least tolerable." I just shook my head. Oliver kept talking. "So, what're your plans for tonight?"

"Lilly's spending the night. Why?"

"Oh, just wondering. Isn't this the first time since…you know."

He meant this was the first time Lilly would be spending the night since she came out. That was true. Lilly and I had been spending a lot less time together. It was mostly because Lilly had been halfway avoiding me. She said it was because she didn't want to bring me down with her. I'd insisted that she spend the night.

"Yeah. You don't think it's gonna be awkward, do you?"

Oliver quirked his eyebrow. "Why would it be?"

"Well…after what Jake said he read in her diary…"

"Oh, geez. Jake was probably lying about that just to make you paranoid and cause more drama."

I nodded and smiled, but I still couldn't help but wonder if Lilly was into me. If she wasn't, then I'd be sad (I don't know why, but I would), but things would be okay between us. We'd go back to some sort of normalcy. If she was into me, that would tear everything apart. I'd have to turn her down…or I'd have to deal with the stuff that's been going on with me. Either way, it would ruin everything.

That night, Lilly came over, and we did what we always did: watch movies. I couldn't help but feel a little awkward. We really hadn't talked about her being gay outside of the day Jake told everyone. We'd mostly just tried to avoid the subject, but I knew we'd have to talk about it eventually. I just really, REALLY didn't want to.

We hadn't talked much at all that night. We were just watching the movies, which was weird because we were both notorious for not being able to keep our mouths shut for a whole two hours. It was Lilly who spoke up first.

"Miley, I have sort of a weird question for you," she said.

"Um…okay. Ask away."

"What's it like…being normal?" Yeah, that was a weird question. One I couldn't answer.

"I have absolutely no idea."

Lilly laughed. "I know, we're in high school, and nobody feels normal, but I figure you've got the closest to a normal life of anyone I know. I mean, you've got the loving family and all the friends, and…well…"

"I'm straight?" I knew what she was getting at; she was just too afraid to ask what she really wondered.

"Well, yeah. You don't have to worry about people ridiculing you just because of who you wanna be with."

I felt so bad for Lilly. Her life really wasn't an easy one. She'd been through so much, and had to deal with assholes like Jake and her parents every step of the way.

"All this drama is really bothering you, isn't it?" I asked. She just nodded. It was a stupid question. Of course it was bothering her. It was probably more than bothering her. "How do you deal with all that?"

"I don't know. I guess it's easier now that I have you and Oliver. I've never had any friends that totally didn't care before." She smiled at me. It wasn't her normal smile, exactly. It had this sense of 'I'm hurt, but as long as you're here, I'm happy' to it. It was such a beautiful smile, and it gave me that feeling that I'd had at Oliver's house…but a lot stronger.

I'd never really thought about kissing a girl before. It just wasn't an option. I was straight, so I'd think about kissing the hottest guy in school, or the cutest boy in the magazine, and it did absolutely nothing for me. I'd even kissed a few boys, and it still did absolutely nothing. It was totally different when I was thinking about kissing Lilly. I'd get lost in fantasies of the two of us kissing on my bed, hands roaming up and down torsos, and I could feel myself start to breath heavy. I'd bite my lip and cup my cheek and imagine it was Lilly. It scared the hell out of me.

"Hey, Lilly?" I said shaking off the lusty feelings I was having for her.

"Yeah?" she replied.

"So, I let you ask me a weird question, so do I get one, too?"

Lilly smiled. God, that smile was going to be the death of me. "Sure. Go ahead."

"How…how did you realize you were gay?" I asked. I could feel myself shaking a little bit.

"Oh…that's a long, boring story."

"Tell me. Please?" I put on a cute face, and she caved.

"Fine, but when you're bored to tears, just remember I warned you." I nodded, and she continued. "When I was a freshman in high school, I had a huge crush on one of the captains of the soccer team. I was so into her that I tried out for soccer, and I hate soccer."

"I know you do," I said, laughing a little bit.

"Anyway, I was totally thrown off. I mean, I'd never had a crush on a girl before. Well, I had, but those weren't like this. Anyway, I figured that having a crush on one girl didn't make me a lesbian. I figured everyone had innocent crushes on girls at least once.

"Then Riley moved into town my sophomore year. She was a sophomore, too, and she hated me. For a long time I hated her, too, but we ended up talking at a party one night, and we realized we had a lot in common, so we started hanging out. I took me a while to realize that I had a thing for her. I figured it would pass. Needless to say, it didn't.

"We ended up getting really wasted at her house one night while her parents were out of town-something I will NEVER do again, by the way-and the next thing I knew, she was on top of me asking me if I wanted to sleep with her." Lilly paused.

"What did you say?" I asked.

"Well…remember that I was really drunk and not myself…I said yeah, and we did it."

I was shocked. This didn't sound like the Lilly I knew. "Seriously? You…you slept with her? That's how you lost your virginity?"

"Hey, I didn't say I was proud of it, but that's what happened. I spent a lot of time after that thinking about myself, and I came to the conclusion that I'm a lesbian."

"What happened to Riley?"

"She was so trashed she didn't remember any of it, and she moved away a month later. I haven't spoken to her since."

"Wow…how could you possibly think that was a boring story?"

Lilly laughed. "I pretty much think any story starring me is boring." We laughed a little bit before Lilly spoke up again. "So what's your story?"

"What do you mean?" I asked. "I've told you everything about me."

"I meant your 'how I lost my virginity' story."

"Oh," I said. "Well, the thing is that I haven't yet."

"You haven't what?" she asked.

"I haven't…lost my virginity." I hated telling people that. They'd start to treat me like I was naïve and stupid. Like I was some poor baby who hadn't experienced the world yet.

Lilly just looked at me and said, "Lucky."

"Lucky? Why lucky?"

"Well, you still have a chance to save it for someone special. Don't get me wrong, it was good for me physically, but emotionally, it was kind of lacking. Fucking my drunk best friend wasn't exactly my dream. I'd wanted it to be romantic and passionate and I wanted to really be in love with the person." Lilly looked away. "I guess it just wasn't meant to be that way for me."

I reached out, put my hand on her chin, and made her look at me. "You will find somebody special someday."

"How do you know that?" she asked.

"Because you're the most caring and beautiful person I've ever met." I couldn't believe I was saying all this. I wasn't even sure why I was. All I knew was I could feel myself moving closer and closer to Lilly. I stopped right before we kissed. I could feel her breath on my lips.

"Miley," she said out of breath, "what's happening?"

"I don't know…and I don't care," I leaned in to finally do what I'd been longing to do for a while, when my door swung open, and Lilly and I jumped apart.

"What's up my people?! Jackson is in the hizzouse!" my idiot brother yelled as he started doing the moon walk really badly.

"Jackson, get the fuck out of my room!" I yelled. I was beyond pissed.

"Jesus, what's got you in such a bad mood? I was just coming up to tell you that Dad's got dinner ready."

"That's it?" I asked angrily. "That's what you came barging in here for?!" I threw a pillow at him. He just laughed, so I started to reach for a book, and he ran out of the room. "Try knocking next time, Jackass!!!" I sat there for a minute, thinking about how I could properly torture Jackson to make sure it lasted as long as possible, when Lilly spoke up next to me.

"Wow. Your brother must have done something really awful to you that I don't know about yet."

"No, it's not that, it's just that he interrupted-" That's when it hit me like a freight train. My eyes got wide, and I started breathing heavy. Lilly and I had almost kissed. I'd almost kissed Lilly. We'd been less than an inch apart. I almost kissed my gay best friend!

"Oh my God, Lilly. What just happened…what almost just happened…I didn't…I mean…it's just…" I would've probably gone on babbling like that forever, but Lilly started laughing. "You're laughing? What's funny?"

"You are. You're totally freaking out right now."

"Well…I almost kissed you…and stuff." That just made Lilly laugh harder. "That's not funny! Stop it!"

"No! I don't mean anything by it. It's just…so what? We were talking about sex, you got all hot and bothered, and you tried to kiss me. It's not that big of a deal."

"How can you say it's not that big of a deal? We almost kissed."

"And? This isn't the first time a straight girl has gotten caught up in a moment with her gay best friend. It happens all the time. We should go downstairs and eat." With that, Lilly left the room.

What Lilly had said made sense, I guess. I guess it was possible that I'd just let myself get caught up in a moment. I mean, we had been talking about sex, and I was an 18 year old hormone bomb, so she could be right…but this wasn't the first time I'd thought about kissing Lilly. I didn't want it to be true, but I was starting to realize that I'd have to face it.

I was falling for Lilly.


	6. I Think I'm Gay

Lilly and I went on being friends like nothing had happened that night at my house. I wasn't even sure that anything had happened that night. I mean, we'd almost kissed, but that didn't seem to mean anything to Lilly, which I guess was a good thing because it meant she didn't have feelings for me, and things didn't have to get weird between us.

The most confusing thing was how that almost-kiss made me feel. Did it mean something to me? Yeah, it was pretty clear to me that it did, but what exactly did it mean? Why did it mean something to me? It was all too confusing, but I couldn't ignore it anymore. Something was going on with me, but I wasn't sure what...as usual.

I tried to talk to Lilly about what was going on with me, but every time, I'd chicken out. I didn't know if she could even help me, and I was scared I'd freak her out or something. I wasn't even sure what I'd say. Would I tell her I like her? Did I like her, or was this just a really intense relationship complicated by the fact that one of us was gay? That got me thinking.

Was I gay?

I'd never really thought about it before...being gay. It wasn't really an option for me. I really, truly wasn't homophobic. I thought that gay people were just people, but I didn't want to be gay. I didn't want to be different and ridiculed. Most of all, I didn't want to be put through all the crap that Lilly was put through. I wasn't as strong as she was; I wouldn't be able to take it and act like it wasn't happening.

I couldn't be gay. Even if I was gay, I couldn't be. I just couldn't let myself be...as stupid as that sounds. I didn't even want to consider the possibility that I might be. It was just way too scary a thought...and I was afraid it was true. I figured these thoughts and feelings would go away if I just ignored them or rationalized them away.

The problem was that the more I tried not to think about Lilly and my own sexual orientation, the more I found myself realizing how wonderful Lilly was in pretty much every way. She was beautiful and smart, and I was starting to get borderline obsessed with her.

She was starting to notice, too. One day after class, she was walking with me to class, and I was just thinking about stuff...mostly her.

"Um, is there something on my face or something?" she asked.

"What? Why?"

"It's just you were staring at me, like, all class."

I tried not to blush, but I know I was.

"Um...I was just daydreaming. I tend to stare when I daydream."

She just smiled at me and said, "I know. I should've figured that was it."

God, her smile killed me. I know it's weird, but I'm very particular about people's smiles. If I don't like your smile, there's no way I could ever be interested. Lilly's smile...it was perfect. It wasn't lopsided like most people's are. She just had this smile that made me feel warm inside...like everything in my life would be okay.

Yeah, I had to be into this girl to be that cheesy.

This wasn't the only time that stuff like that happened. There had been several times in the girls' locker room that I'd have to intentionally look in the other direction to keep myself from staring at her. She had all these little habits...like she'd bite her lip if she was thinking too hard, and I couldn't help but be fascinated by them. She was just so adorable, and I couldn't get enough for her. I was falling for her so fast.

Still, I didn't want to be. I just wanted to be Lilly's friend. Well, it was more that I wanted to just want to be Lilly's friend. I mean, she couldn't be interested from the way she reacted that night...and that wasn't even the point! I was supposed to be into guys. I was supposed to have the perfect husband and the perfect 2.5 kids who got on the honor role and played sports. I wasn't supposed to run off with my best friend for a life of fighting for rights and being ridiculed for who I love.

Whoa, love? No, no, no. Not possible.

I needed to get a date...with a guy. A nice guy who I trusted and I could see myself falling for. I needed someone who would keep me from thinking of Lilly. Well, Jake was out of the question. He'd always been my emergency fallback plan, but that was before he turned into a total asshole. Besides him, I couldn't think of any guys to ask...besides Oliver.

Oliver...the guy I trusted more than anyone besides Lilly. We'd never dated. We'd never really been interested in him that way, and I figured he felt the same way about me. We were just friends, but he was sort of my last resort at this point. I really felt like falling for a guy was the only thing that was going to keep me from falling for Lilly. I decided I would go to his house and ask him on a date.

I didn't know exactly how to treat this. Should I just act like myself, or should I doll myself up like I was really asking someone out? It was hard, because Oliver knew me so well. If I showed up at his house made up, he'd probably know something was going on, but if I didn't, he might not go for it. I decided to go with a more dressed-up approach: if I wanted to make this authentic, I needed to do it like I would if I was really interested...which I was hoping I eventually would be.

I went over to his house. He'd been expecting me. I told him there was something I needed to talk to him about and that it was really serious. That was sort of a lie. I mean, this was a very serious thing. I didn't ask my best friend out every day, but I was having trouble taking this very seriously. Oliver was basically my brother, and I was asking him out on a date. Ugh, I needed to stop thinking like that. It made all this so much creepier.

I finally rang the doorbell, and he answered.

"Hey, Miley. What...are you wearing?" He seemed confused. I guess I couldn't blame him.

"I'm trying something different. What do you think?" I asked trying to seem confident and sexy.

"You look...different." I deflated a little, and he started talking again. "I didn't mean bad different! I meant it's just not what I'm used to. "

"Well, maybe I'm trying to show you a new side of me," I said. I felt really stupid saying all of this stuff to Oliver.

"Um, Miley...are you pulling a prank on me or something? Is Lilly waiting in the bushes to see me somehow make an idiot of myself?"

Of course he would bring up Lilly. I was going on a whole minute not thinking about her, and he just had to ruin it, didn't he? "Ugh, could we not talk about Lilly? I'm trying to make this about us." I walked (well, more sauntered) inside past him, and he followed me.

"Seriously, could you just tell me what the hell is going on, because I'm totally lost here."

I looked at him. I hadn't really figured out how I was going to do this. "Oliver, do you think I'm pretty?" Yeah, that probably wasn't the best approach, but it was all I could think to say.

Oliver just looked at me and said, "Wow. That's the most loaded question ever."

"It really isn't," I said stepping closer to him. "Just tell me the truth. Do you think I'm pretty?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "Um...yeah. I guess."

I smiled at him. "Good, then you won't mind if I do this." I leaned in to kiss him. Seriously, I should've taken more time to think this one through. If I had, I might've realized how stupid a plan this was. Of course, Oliver held me back before I closed the distance.

"Whoa! What're you doing?" He looked at me intently. "Miley...have you been drinking?"

"No! I just...I just..."

"You just what? You just lost your mind? What's gotten into you?"

"What do you mean? I'm into you. Why is that so shocking?"

" I believe it was you who said 'Not even if the fate of the human race depended on it.'"

I stood there for a second. Part of me wanted to punch him. I mean, I was throwing myself at him, and he was being...well, he was being a complete gentleman and a good friend, but that wasn't the point. I didn't know what to do, so I went and sat on his couch and cried like a baby. He came, sat next to me, and pulled me into a hug.

"Hey, whatever's going on, I'm here for you. Just tell me so I know what's going on."

"I can't tell you. If I tell you, it might be true."

"What might be true? You can tell me anything, and you know that. Come on, Miles."

This whole war was going on inside of me. Half of me wanted to tell Oliver more than anything. I wanted him to know so I wasn't alone in this. The other half of me didn't want to say it out loud, because I so badly wanted my feelings to go away.

"I can't tell you, Oliver. It's too much...it's too big."

Oliver looked at me. "Look, I know I'm an idiot, and I know that I'm not very good at dealing with all your girl stuff, but it really hurts that you feel like you can't tell me this."

"I swear, Oliver, it has nothing to do with you. I just...I just don't wanna deal with this."

"With what?" he asked. He had this hurt look on his face that he only gets when he's really sad about something. I had to tell him; he had the right as my best friend to know.

"I think...I think I might be gay."

Oliver's eye's got wide. "Really? Like...really?" I nodded. "Wow...that was so not what I was expecting. I was more expecting pregnant or something."

"Oliver!" I yelled. "Why would I act like I wanted to go out with you if I was pregnant?"

"Why would you act like you wanted to go out with me if you were gay?"

Touche, Oliver. Touche.

"Do you really think I'd get knocked up?" I asked.

"No! It's just, you were totally flipping out...I don't know. I just didn't expect you to think you were gay. You're just so...not gay."

"Really?" I asked. Somehow, his stupid little comment had given me some hope.

"Well, you know, because you're always...well you always...you always act like...you know, now that I think about it, I should've seen this one coming."

I looked at him with what I was sure must've been a mixture of confusion and anger. "What the hell do you mean you should've seen this coming?"

"Well, you never go out on dates, and you always stare at girls." I think he could feel the hatred radiating off of me, so he continued. "I don't mean you stare at them, like, creepily. I just mean you check girls out like I do. You kinda give them the once over and subconsciously nod with approval."

"I do not!" I exclaimed.

"Uh, yeah. You do."

I really didn't. At least...I didn't think I did. I guess I did look at girls, but it's not like girls never look at other girls.

"That doesn't make me gay."

"No, but there's other stuff. Like the way you always go on and on about how pretty girls are. Plus there's been more than one occasion that I've noticed you flirting with girls...and you never flirt with guys." I gave him another angry look. "Jesus, Miley. Who cares if you're gay?"

"The entire school cares! Look at the way they treat Lilly! Half the school has just been waiting for me to do something that they could torture me about!"

"So what?" he asked. "It's not like you're ever going to see these people again after we graduate."

"It's not just that! I care! I don't wanna be gay!"

"Why not?"

"Do you wanna be gay?"

"No, but that might have something to do with the fact that I'm not," he said.

"Ugh! You don't get it!"

"Look, maybe you should talk to Lilly about this. She'd probably know more than I do, and I seem to be saying all the wrong things."

"No, I can't talk to Lilly about this," I said.

"Why not? I mean, it's not like you're into her or anything." I looked away from him. I think he caught on. "Miley, you're not into her, are you?"

"Well..."

"Oh my effing God! You are into her! You are!"

"Shut up! I didn't say that!"

"You might as well have!" he was bouncing on the couch a little bit. He could be such an idiot sometimes. "I should've known! I mean, you two are always off together, probably groping at each other in your bedroom."

That sentence seriously put the best image in my head...ever.

"I have to tell her I know!" he yelled, pulling me out of thoughts of running my hands under Lilly's shirt.

"No!" I yelled. "She doesn't even know yet!"

"Seriously? Now I have to tell her! She'll be so stoked!"

"No! If you tell her, I swear to God I will kill you with my bare hands!"

"Miley! She has to know!" He picked up the phone, and I knocked it out of his hand and jumped on top of him.

"Do you wanna die!? Do you have a death wish, Oken?!

"Okay! Okay! I won't! I swear!" I got off of him. "Well, what're you gonna do if you can't talk to Lilly? I'm obviously no use, here."

"I...I don't know."


	7. The Kiss

A/N: It just occured to me that I've been posting for about a year now. Not that anyone cares, but it popped into my head. Please R&R.

* * *

Oliver had been trying to get me to tell Lilly about me being gay since I'd told him. He was starting to become a real pest. I knew he was right; if anyone knew about being gay, it was Lilly. I couldn't tell her, though. If I told her I was gay, then I'd eventually have to tell her I was into her. What if she didn't feel the same way? What if I really just was a friend to her? Besides that, I wasn't even sure if I really was gay or if all of this was coming from the fact that I knew she was. In any case, Oliver still thought I should at least talk to Lilly about some of this stuff.

"Come on, Miley," Oliver said one day at school while I was getting books out of my locker. "It's not like she's a homophobe or anything. Maybe she could help you through this or something."

"Oliver, I've told you a hundred times. I'm not telling her. I don't want her to know."

"Isn't she supposed to be your best girl friend?" Ah, girlfriend. He was starting to use girlfriend a lot. I think he knew it got under my skin a little bit "Weren't you telling me not too long ago that she was the one person that you felt you could tell absolutely anything?"

"It's different now," I said. "I can't tell her this."

"Why not?"

I slammed my locker. "What am I supposed to tell her? That I might be gay and might have a crush on her? That'll ruin our whole friendship!" I started to walk to my class, and Oliver followed. "Why do you care so much? Do you know something I don't know?"

"No, but I do know that Jake said something about you being in her journal."

"Oh my God! You said yourself that he was probably lying about that stuff to start drama!"

"He may have, but he might've been telling the truth. I say you ask her about it."

"I can't ask her about that," I said. "I already told her that I didn't know anything about what was in her journal. She'll know I was lying if I say anything."

"You're making excuses," he said. I wanted to punch him...because he was right.

"Maybe I am, but I have a reason to. I don't even know if I want Lilly to be interested in me. I'm not ready to go after another girl. I don't even know if I'm gay for sure."

"This is why I think you should at least talk to Lilly about this. She can at least help you figure out what your feeling. You don't have to tell her that you're into her."

"Why do we have to have this argument every day? Seriously, we're just going in circles."

"Because I know I'm right, and you know I'm right, but you're too damn stubborn to admit it."

He had a point, but I still didn't want to do it. This was all too much to deal with. I didn't want to tell anyone else about my...issue...problem...I didn't know what to call it. I just know that I wasn't sure I wanted anyone outside of Oliver to know. Hell, I kind of wished he didn't even know.

"Oliver, just let me deal with this, okay? I don't need your help I can figure this out on my own."

"Figure out what on your own?" a voice from behind me asked. I turned around, and I was face-to-face with Lilly.

"I-I...um...hey, Lilly!" I yelled, grabbing her into a hug. I'd really just meant it to throw her off, but I had to admit I thoroughly enjoyed holding her whenever I got a chance. I pulled back, and she looked at me funnily.

"Um, are you okay, Miley? You're acting kind of weird, and you didn't answer my question. What are you figuring out?"

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell her the truth. Not like this.

"I'm figuring out...how I'm gonna get my history project done in time. I kind of put it off to the last minute, and I was hoping Oliver could help me, but he's busy, so I was saying I'll figure it out." It was true...constantly thinking about Lilly had left me almost no time to do my history project.

I turned around and saw Oliver glaring at me, and then this evil grin went on his face. Nothing good ever came when he got that look.

"You know, maybe you could fill in for me," Oliver said. "I mean, I can't help Miley, but maybe you could. If you have any free time tonight, she could really use the help."

"Oliver, shut up!" I yelled, then realized that probably looked really weird to Lilly. "I mean, I'm sure Lilly has better things to do than spend her night helping me with some stupid history project."

"Are you kidding?" Lilly chimed in. "My plans for tonight were sitting around alone in my house and staring at the wall. I'd love to spend the time with you instead." I knew I had a stupid smile on my face after she said that. I tried to force it off, but I couldn't.

"So, I guess it's settled," Oliver said. "You and Lilly can hang out at your place."

"Wait a minute," I said coming back to my senses. "Why couldn't you come over again, Oliver?"

"The parentals are in town, and they're taking me out to dinner." I frowned. He'd already made up an alibi while I was busy grinning at Lilly like an idiot. He was smarter than I gave him credit for.

"Can't you just cancel on them?" I asked.

"You know my parents are barely around. They want there little Ollie at home when they are."

"But-" I started, but I was interrupted by Lilly.

"Look," she said, "it's okay if you don't want me to come over, Miley. It's cool." She looked away from me. It broke my heart to see her so sad.

"No!" I yelled. "I didn't mean it like that! I want you to come over. I really, really do." Lilly smiled at me, and I smiled back. I really needed to get my stupid grin under control.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"I'm positive. We can go straight there after school."

"Cool," she said pulling me into another hug. We held onto each other for a long time...a little longer than a friend hug should last, but not long enough that anyone really noticed. She kept talking. "I'll meet you at the front after school, okay?"

"Okay," I said as she walked away. As soon as she was out of earshot, Oliver spoke up.

"Well, judging by the stupid look on your face, I'll take it you're happy she's coming over." I smacked him over the head. "Ouch! What the hell was that for?"

"That was for you being a total ass!"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said with his best innocent face.

"Oliver, if you weren't my best friend, I swear that I'd kill you right now!"

"Well, I guess it's a good thing I am, huh?" I hated it when he got like this. Well, usually I thought it was funny, but right now, I hated it.

"Oliver, why did you do that to me? I don't wanna be alone with Lilly right now!"

"Why, because you're afraid you won't be able to control yourself around her?"

Yes, that was exactly why. "No! That's not it at all!"

"Well, whatever it is, you have a whole night with Lilly to figure it out." With that, he left for class.

* * *

Lilly came to my house right after school was over. At first, everything was fine. We were just working on my project and talking about nothing in particular. We avoided touchy subjects...mostly the subject of her being gay. Every time it was even possible the subject might be brought up, there'd be this really awkward silence, and Lilly would find a way to change the subject. I used to hate that quality in her, but it was starting to become an asset in our friendship.

It made me sad that we weren't as comfortable around each other since she came out. I'd tried really hard not to let it affect me, but it was hard when I had her feelings for me in the back of my mind. It got even more complicated when I started developing feelings for her. I could tell she knew something was up with me, but being Lilly, she was much better at avoiding things than she was at dealing with them.

We'd been up in my room for about three hours talking (yeah, that history project took about 20 minutes) when my brother knocked on my door.

"Thanks for actually knocking this time," I said opening the door. Too bad this time wasn't the time that mattered.

"Whatever, I just came up here to tell you that Dad and I are leaving."

"What? Where?"

"We both have dates, unlike a certain loser sister I know." He ruffled my hair. "Dad's leaving money for you guys to buy pizza."

"Why didn't he tell me he was going on a date?" I asked.

Jackson rolled his eyes. "He figured you guys are big girls, and you can take care of yourselves."

"Fine. Whatever. You can leave now." I loved him, but Jackson could really get on my last nerve.

"Fine. You two keep it PG up here." He laughed at himself, and I wanted to hit him in the face. He knew just what to say to make an already awkward situation even more awkward...even if he wasn't fully conscious of it.. He left, and I turned to face Lilly.

"Um," she started, "does your brother know I'm gay?"

"No, not that I know of." I looked at the ground. "I mean, I haven't told him. Is that good or bad?"

"I don't know..." she said. She didn't say anything else. I figured I'd try my hand at changing the subject.

"So...you wanna watch a movie."

"No," she said. "I think I'd better head home."

I didn't know how to feel. On the one hand, I wanted her to leave so I knew nothing would happen between us. On the other hand, I didn't want her to leave because I loved spending time with her more than anything...and I sort of wanted something to happen between us.

"Um," I started when I saw her get up to leave, "are you sure? I mean, we'll have the house to ourselves." Wow, I really hadn't meant for that to sound so suggestive.

She turned around and looked at me. She had that smile on her face. That smile that made me realize things I didn't want to realize about myself.

"You want me to stay?" she asked.

It was freaking me out. God, I wanted her to stay.

"No, it's fine. You can leave if you want." I wasn't ready.

She started to walk towards the door, but instead of walking out, she closed the door and faced me.

"That's it. We need to talk about this."

"What are you talking about, Lilly?" I asked like a dummy.

"I'm talking about how things have been awkward between us lately. Is this about me being gay?"

"No, not really," I said. It wasn't...exactly.

"Well...is it about what happened...or almost happened...the other day in here?" I didn't say anything. "Yeah, that's what I thought." Lilly started to walk out of the room, and I grabbed her arm.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"You don't want me here. You don't want me around anymore. I wouldn't want me around if I was you, either." She tried to pull away, but I kept holding on to her.

"What are you talking about? I still want you around. I still care about you."

"Not the way-" she stopped. Was she about to confess? I needed for her to confess, because I sure as hell wasn't going to.

"Lilly, do you...do you have feelings for me?" I asked. I had to take the plunge, or things were just going to get worse.

"I-I don't wanna talk about this."

"You were the one that said we needed to talk about this," I said. She just stayed quiet. "I...I know you wrote about me in your journal."

"What?" she asked. "How do you know that?"

"Well...Jake might've mentioned something that day that he had it." I let go of Lilly, and she didn't leave. She sat down on my bed, and I sat down next to her.

"What did he say?" she asked.

"Well, he said you wrote I was the love of your life."

"I didn't write that!" she said.

"You didn't?" I asked. I sighed, but I wasn't sure if it was relief or disappointment.

"No! I barely knew you when I was writing in there!" she laughed a little. We both started laughing. It really wasn't that funny, but we were just glad to be getting some of this stuff out in the open. And I had to admit; whenever Lilly smiled, I smiled, too.

"So," I said catching my breath, "you don't have feelings for me?" I asked. She gave me a funny look.

"I...Miley, I swear I didn't mean to almost kiss you, and it'll never happen again."

"That's not what I asked." Lilly looked at me, then looked at the ground.

"I may have...some feelings for you."

You know, I'd been half expecting her to say that, and I was still shocked.

"You...you do? Since when?"

"Since always." Okay, that I hadn't been expecting.

"So...since you've known me, you've had a crush on me?"

"Well...yeah." I saw the gears start to turn in her head. "This doesn't mean I'm gonna try anything on you. Yeah, I tried to kiss you, but nothing like that will ever happen again! I know you're straight, and I can deal with just being your friend. It's no problem. It doesn't mean you have to worry about me-"

I grabbed her and kissed her. I hadn't really been planning to, but it just happened. It was just like I'd imagined it. Scratch that, it was about a billion times better than I could've ever thought it could be. Her lips were so soft against mine. Before she really had a chance to respond and kiss me back (and before I did something crazy like throw her backwards on the bed), I pulled away. We sat there for a while, staring at each other. Finally, Lilly spoke up.

"You just kissed me," Lilly said.

"Um...yeah, I did."

"May I ask why?" she said looking very confused. "I mean, you don't have to give me a why. I'm glad you did...unless you regret it."

"That's why I kissed you. You don't know when to shut up." I saw her face fall. "I was joking. That was a joke."

"Oh," she said smiling, then she looked confused again. "Then why did you kiss me?"

I couldn't explain this one away. I didn't really want to. I took a deep breath.

"I think we need to talk."


	8. We Need to Talk

A/N: This might be my last update for a while. With Christmas and my birthday, I'm not going to be around my computer a whole lot. Happy holidays to everyone!

A/N 2: Sorry this update is so short. Hopefully the next one will be beefier. As always, please R&R.

* * *

"I think we need to talk."

Lilly looked at me expecting me to say something, but I couldn't think of anything to say. What the hell was I supposed to say after that? I mean, we kissed. We didn't almost kiss, I'd actually pressed my lips against Lilly's...and it had felt so good. I tried to think about what I was supposed to be saying to Lilly, but all I could think about was how it felt kissing her.

And before I knew what was happening, I was kissing her again. It took her a second to kiss me back, but she did. She ran her hand through my hair, and I felt a shiver go down my spine. I felt her tongue on my bottom lip, and I let it into my mouth. I had my hands around her waist, pulling her as close to me as possible. She nibbled on my lip, and I moaned into her mouth. She pushed me back on the bed, and I didn't stop her. I felt her hand go up my shirt, then she stopped and pulled back, jumping off the bed.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," she said. "What're we doing? What's going on?"

I didn't really know how to reply. Besides the fact that I really couldn't think about anything but getting her lips back on mine, I really didn't know what was going on. I sat up.

"Why are you so far away?" I asked.

"Because we really do need to talk, and I don't think we can do that sitting on your bed."

She was right. I couldn't think with her that close to me, and we really needed to figure all of this out. We needed to talk, but I still didn't know what to say. I think Lilly knew that, so she got the ball rolling.

"So...do you like me?" she asked. "I mean, it seems like you like me with all the kissing me and stuff."

"I don't know," I said. "I haven't really figured it out yet. I just felt like I needed to kiss you."

Lilly sat down on one of my chairs. "Is it because you felt sorry for me? I'd get that. I just kind of spilled my guts to you."

"That's not it, Lilly," I said. "I don't pity you or anything."

Lilly just sat there and looked at me. It was like she was trying to figure me out and she couldn't quite do it.

"Okay, you've gotta give me something here, Miley, because I'm so lost."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I really don't know what to tell you, Lilly."

She sighed. We sat in silence for a few minutes before Lilly spoke up again. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" I yelled. "I want you to stay. I want you with me."

She smiled at me. "Okay, I'll stay, but you need to tell me what's going on, here."

I figured I shouldn't be afraid to talk about everything with her at this point. I mean, we'd just made out. It wasn't like she was going to be shocked or anything.

"I 'm pretty sure I'm gay," I said, and Lilly laughed. "Hey! What's so funny?"

"It's just I'd kind of figured that part out already," she said. "I just wanna know where we stand." She looked at me seriously. "Are we still friends?"

"Of course we are," I said.

"Okay, but are we just friends?"

I paused. "I...I...I don't think I'm ready to be any more than that right now."

"Okay," Lilly said, "but you seemed pretty ready a few minutes ago."

"I think you know that we both got caught up in a moment," I said. She looked at the ground, and I knew she thought I thought it was a mistake. "Hey, I don't regret what happened. I just don't think I'm ready to be...gay." I shook my head. "That sounded really stupid."

"No it didn't," Lilly said. "You need to figure yourself out before you can be with anyone. I get it." Lilly looked back at me, switching into concerned friend mode. "How long have you thought you were gay?"

"I don't know. It hasn't been that long."

"Did it start when I got outed, or when you found out I liked you?" she asked.

I looked away from her. "It started before that...not much before that, though."

Lilly's eyes got wide. "When did this start?"

"Probably that day at Oliver's house when Jake took your diary...or before that when we started bonding...or that day on the beach...I'm not really sure to tell you the truth."

Lilly looked shocked. "So this has all been about me?" she asked.

"Well, yeah. Pretty much."

"And it started before you knew I was gay?"

"Yeah," I said. "Why? Is that bad?"

Lilly shook her head. "I just can't believe I didn't notice. I guess I was too busy trying to hide my own feelings." She looked at me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't really know myself for sure, and every time I started to say something, I'd get scared. I'd get scared that you wouldn't like me that way or that you'd think less of me or something."

"Why would I think less of you?" Lilly asked with a confused look on her face.

"I don't know. It made sense at the time." We dropped into silence for a few minutes. We just looked at each other, then looked away about a hundred times. I finally spoke up. "That was the best kiss I've ever had."

Okay, I'd meant to ask her what she was thinking or something like that, but somehow those word had made their way out of my lips. Lilly looked at me and got this goofy grin on her face.

"Really?" she asked, and I nodded. "It was for me, too."

"So..." I started, but I left it hanging.

"So...what?"

"So...is it bad that I really wanna kiss you again?" I asked.

Lilly smiled and shook her head. "No, it's not, but I think it would be best if we didn't until you know how you feel."

"What if I don't wanna wait?" I got up and walked closer to her. I leaned down close to her as she sat in the chair.

"I think you need to," she said barely above a whisper. "Please don't think I don't want to. God, I want to more than anything. It's taking everything in me not to close the gap right now, but I think you know that you're not ready."

She was right. As much as I wanted her to just shut up and let it happen, we both knew I wasn't ready for this. I pulled back, and sat down on my couch.

"I really think I should go home, "Lilly said."

"No, please stay. I know that it would be the right thing to do; it would give us time to think and everything, but I don't want you to go. Haven't we done enough of the right thing for one night?" She still looked hesitant, so I continued. "Besides, I'm home alone, so if you leave and I get murdered or something, it'll be your fault."

Lilly laughed and rolled her eyes. "Okay, Drama Queen, I'll stay." She started to leave the room.

"Hey! Where are you going?" I asked, jumping up to grab her arm.

"I'm grabbing some blankets to set up a bed on your couch," she said. "I'm not leaving."

"You can't sleep on my couch! It's way too small."

Lilly quirked her eyebrow. "Miley, I know what you're thinking, and the answer is no."

"Why not?" I asked. "You always sleep in my bed."

"Yeah, but that was before we made out. Things are different now."

I really hated that Lilly was always right and level-headed. It wasn't fair. I finally conceded and made a bed for her on my couch. We watched a couple of movies before finally making our way to our respective beds.

"Goodnight, Miley," she said.

"Goodnight, Lilly," I responded, but I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. Too many things were going on in my head. For starters, Lilly and I had kissed. I would've been able to deal with things if it had just been the first kiss, but that second kiss had sent my whole being on fire. I probably wouldn't have stopped her if she'd wanted to go all the way, and that was a scary thought. I'd known that I was falling for Lilly, but I had no idea how far I'd already fallen. It was like I needed her just to breathe. I just needed her...I needed her badly. It was pretty safe to say I had feelings for her. I just wasn't sure how deep those feelings ran.

I laid in the bed and tried not to think about Lilly, but it was useless. She was all I could think about. I tried to force myself to sleep, but that wasn't working either. I was about to get up and get something to eat when I felt someone crawl into my bed.

"What're you doing?" I asked Lilly as she laid down next to me.

"I couldn't sleep. The couch is too small." She wrapped her arms around me and snuggled into me as much as humanly possible.

"What about all that stuff about how things are different now?" I asked.

"Fuck it. I need to sleep." I knew she was lying. She just wanted to sleep with me, and I wasn't going to complain for a second. We'd figure out things in the morning, but for now, I smiled, nuzzled into Lilly, and drifted off to sleep.


	9. Miley and Lilly

A/N: Writer's block really sucks. I'm really sorry this took so ling, and for those of you reading The Tutor, I hope to have a new chapter for that one up soon, too. Hope this doesn't suck. Please R&R as always; I really appreciate the feedback that you all give me :)

* * *

I woke up the next morning, and Lilly wasn't there.

It didn't strike me as particularly odd at first. There were those rare nights when Lilly and I didn't spend the night together, but then I remember what had happened the night before...her admitting she had feelings for me, me admitting I might be gay, the kisses...

Oh yeah, she'd been with me the night before.

I looked over to the couch to see if she'd moved back sometime during the night, but she wasn't there. I jumped out of bed and checked downstairs. Still, no Lilly. I started to panic. What if she was regretting last night, I mean, yeah, she'd said that she had feelings for me, but that didn't mean that she wanted to be with me that way. I started thinking to the times she'd pushed me away. Was it really because she thought I needed time, or was it because she didn't want to kiss me?

I ran back up to my room. I had to call her and find out what was going on. Before I finished dialing her number, I noticed a note on my desk in Lilly's hand writing. It was addressed to me. It read:

_Miley,_

_I'm sorry I took off without saying goodbye, but you looked so peaceful, so I didn't want to disturb you. I don't regret what happened last night. In fact, I'd been imagining something like that happening for a long while now...anyways, I just want to say that I understand if you do regret it. I just want you to know I'm not pushing you. If you hate me, I'll understand. If you want to pretend like this never happened, that's fine, too. I just think you need some time to think on your own. Call me if and when you want to talk._

_Love,_

_Lilly_

I put the paper back on my desk and sighed in relief. She didn't hate me, and she didn't regret it. That relief only lasted for a second when I realized what Lilly was thinking. She thought I hated her. I could tell that's what she was thinking the whole time she was writing this. How could I hate her? I cared so much about her. She couldn't seriously think that I hated her after everything that happened...everything we'd been through in the short amount of time that we'd been friends.

Well, she was right about one thing; I definitely needed some time alone to think about everything. I obviously wasn't getting any thinking done with Lilly in the room. Was I gay? I was pretty sure the answer to that was yes. Besides last night's events, Oliver seemed to think it was pretty obvious, and I'd never really been interested in guys. That would take some adjusting to, but I think I would be able to cope.

Did I want Lilly? God, that was a resounding yes. I'd never wanted anyone so much in my entire life. She was the sexiest, smartest, most gentle and understanding human being I'd ever met. I was falling for her, hard and fast.

Which brought up my next concern: exactly how much had I already fallen for her? I knew I wanted to kiss her. That's innocent enough, but how far did I really want to take this? A real relationship? Outing myself to the entire school? Sex? Love?

The thought of falling in love with her terrified me. I never thought I could care about someone so much and so fast, and I knew I had more room to go, more of my heart to give. What if it wasn't enough and she felt unappreciated? What if it was too much and she felt smothered? What if I broke her heart? What if she broke mine?

This whole thing was too much for me to handle alone, so I did what I always did when I was having Lilly troubles; I called Oliver.

"Hello?" he answered with a groggy voice. It was only then that I realized that it was only 5 o'clock.

"Oh, shit, Ollie, I'm sorry. I'll talk to you later," I said.

"Wait! Don't hang up! It's fine," he said before I had a chance to hang up the phone. "What's up? It must be important to be so early."

I didn't know exactly what to say. It seemed like I never had the right words anymore. I decided that a direct approach would be the best.

"I kissed Lilly."

There was silence on the other side of the phone. Neither of us said anything for a long while. I kept looking at the face of my phone to make sure that the call was still connected. Finally, Oliver spoke up.

"I'm sorry, but it sounded like you just said you kissed Lilly."

"I did." There was another second of silence before Oliver started whooping and hollering like an idiot. "Hey! Could you not do that into my ear?!"

"Sorry, it's just I'm so happy for you two. I knew Lilly had the hots for you! I mean, I just knew it!"

"Oliver, I said I kissed her, not the other way around."

"Oh," he said. "Did she push you away or something?"

I felt a smile creep onto my face as I thought about the previous nights events for the thousandth time that morning. "No."

"Aha! I knew it! So, are you guys dating, or what?"

"That's the problem," I said. "I don't know what we are. We kissed a few times, but that doesn't mean-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, a few times?"

Again, I could feel that stupid smile take it's place on my face. "Well, twice. It would've been more, but she stopped me after the second one. She said I need to figure stuff out before we could go any further."

"Wow, Lilly's a much better person than I am. Put me in that same situation, and you would've been naked," Oliver said, laughing at his own joke.

"That may have been the single worst thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth, Oken."

"Oh, come on! There's got to be worse at some point!"

"Okay, we're getting off topic, here. We're supposed to be talking about my Lilly situation." I really liked the sound of saying 'my Lilly' even if it wasn't in the right context.

"Okay, so you kissed. Do you regret it?" he asked.

"No, and she doesn't either, but I don't know what that means."

"You don't know what that means? I means you tell her you're madly in love with her, and you two live happily ever after!"

"It's not that simple. Yeah, sure, if she were a guy, this wouldn't even be a discussion. We'd be together right now, but I don't think I'm ready for this."

"For what, being with a girl, or being in love?"

I really hated how insightful that blockhead could be at times.

I sighed. "Both. I don't think I can be gay. Everyone would hate me. My daddy and my brother would disown me."

"Miley, your family loves you. There's no way they could be anything but supportive."

"I know that...I think. I don't know, I just have this fear that this will be the one thing that Daddy wouldn't allow. That he just wouldn't permit under any circumstances. I can't afford to lose him, and as much as I hate the kids at school, I've gotten used to them. Sure, it's annoying being our school's 'it' girl, but at least they aren't tormenting me. Look at what their doing to Lilly

"And there's the whole being in love thing. You know I have trouble trusting people, and I'm afraid to let anyone that close, because if I do, they're just going to hurt me. I know it's stupid to think that way when the only person I've even let in a little bit is you, and you're awesome, but I still get scared. I get scared of doing something wrong and pushing away the only person I've ever felt this way about." I don't know when I'd started crying, but I'd only noticed it when the first sob came out of my mouth at the end of my little speech.

"Miley," Oliver said after a moment of quiet, "I'm almost 100% sure that Lilly isn't going to hurt you. I can't guarantee that. Hell, no one can guarantee that the person they want will stick by their side, but I think that it'll be worth it for you to take the risk. Yeah, you'll have to deal with closed-minded assholes like Jake, but those people won't matter in the long run. As far as your dad goes, he's a reasonable guy, and I just can't see him disowning you. I do know that if you try to sweep this under the rug, you're going to lose Lilly at some point down the line. Eventually, you'll be so afraid of acting on your feelings, that you'll push her away, and you'll regret it for the rest of your life. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but at least you'll be able to say you followed your heart, and you faound out who you really are."

I sat there speechless for a moment. He was right. Deep down I knew he was right, but my fear was still screaming in my ear to not go after Lilly and just try to swallow my feelings.

"Wow, Ollie, you should host a talk show, or something," I said, wiping the tears out of my eyes. I heard him laugh.

"Hey, what can I say? I'm a genius."

I rolled my eyes. "Let's not get carried away."

We joked back and forth for a little while, just to relieve some of the tension, then Oliver finally asked me the big question.

"So, Stewart, what're you going to do?" he asked.

"I think I'm going to call Lilly and talk things over with her...see what she has to say."

"Well, that's a good start," Oliver said. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm going back to sleep."

"Fine, whatever," I said jokingly to him. I heard him grunt at me over the phone. "Seriously, though, thank you so much.

"No problemo. Any time. Good luck, Miley," he said before hanging up the phone.

I laid the phone on my bed and stared at it. I was determined to figure out exactly what I was going to say to Lilly before I called her. I didn't want to sound like a rambling mess or start crying like I had with Oliver. I wanted to have at least a tiny bit of confidence going into this conversation. I didn't know whether to sound emotional or casual. I didn't know if I should start with small talk or jump right into the topic at hand. Hell, I didn't even know what I wanted from her or from myself yet, but I knew I needed to talk to her.

I tried to go back to sleep. I figured that I might be able to think a little more clearly if I got to sleep on it for a little while longer, but I couldn't fall asleep. This was weighing way too heavily on my mind for me to sleep, so I sat back up in my bed and stared at my phone for about an hour trying to figure out what to say and how to say it. I finally decided that I couldn't do this over the phone it had to be face to face, so I got dressed (which took forever, because I couldn't decide what to wear) and walked out the door to Lilly's house.

I stood on Lilly's doorstep, wondering if this was really a good idea. She had told me to call, so maybe she wasn't ready to see me yet. I raised my hand to knock on the door about ten times, but every time I was about to, the fear in me took over, and I put my hand back down. I finally moved my hand so fast that my brain didn't have a chance to stop it, and I knocked on the door. I stood there for a minute, and there was no answer.

I looked at my clock and realized it was only 7. Lilly liked to sleep in on Saturdays, so she was probably still asleep. I turned around to walk away, when I heard her voice behind me.

"Miley?" she said. "What are you doing here?" I slowly turned around. There was Lilly in her sleep shorts and tank top that didn't match. God, even in stuff that most people would look a little funny in, she looked gorgeous.

"I'm sorry, I know it's early, and I know you told me to call, but I wanted to talk to you about everything, and it just didn't feel right over the phone, so I decided to walk over here and tell you everything I'm thinking, and I was hoping you could tell me what you're thinking too, so I know where I stand with you, well, so we know where we stand with each other, and I'm sorry if I woke you, but-"

"Whoa," Lilly said, stepping forward and grabbing my shoulders. "I missed half of that. You're gonna have to slow down."

I shook my head. After all the practicing and promising myself I wouldn't become a mess, I still did. "Sorry, I guess I'm just a little nervous. I just needed to see you, I guess."

Lilly smiled at me. "Do you wanna come inside? I could get you some apple cider or coffee or something." She took my hand into hers, and I couldn't help returning her smile.

"Yes," I said, but when she went to lead me inside, I snatched my hand back. "No, we can't go inside."

Lilly looked hurt. "Why not? It's not like you haven't been inside before?"

"Yeah, but before, I didn't wanna jump you." The words came out before I could stop them, and when I realized what I'd said, I blushed about the deepest shade of red possible on a human being's face.

I saw Lilly's eyes go a little bit wide before she said, "It's okay if you don't wanna come in, but I promise that nothing will happen that you don't want to happen."

"That's the problem," I said. "I want everything. I want all of you, but I don't think I'm ready. Lilly, you're all I've thought about for God knows how long, and I want to take that next step with you, but I just can't." I felt a tear that I'd been desperately trying to hold back slip out of my eye. Lilly stepped forward and wiped it off of my cheek. I looked away from her, afraid that she'd be able to read my eyes and know exactly what I was thinking and feeling.

"Hey," she said, using the hand on my cheek to force me to look at her. "You don't have to do anything. This is a lot of stuff being thrown at you all at once. You don't have to figure it all out right this second. That wouldn't be fair. If you want me to back off-"

I didn't even want her to finish that sentence. "No! I need you now more that ever, Lilly. You can't leave me alone."

"Okay," she said, starting to rub her thumb on my cheek, and I couldn't help leaning into her hand the slightest bit. "I'm not going anywhere, then. I will be here for you however you need me. If you need me here as a friend, that's what I'll be. If someday down the line you decide that you want me as more than that, just know that I wouldn't turn you down." She smiled at me, and kissed my cheek. I closed my eyes at the feeling. How was it possible for someone's lips to be that soft?

"Lilly," I said, "how did you deal with it?" I asked.

"With what?"

"Being gay?"

She looked at the ground for a little while and thought the question over. Finally, she looked up at me and said.

"I think what really got the ball rolling was admitting it to myself out loud."

I sighed. I hadn't really done that before. Every time the subject had come up in recent memory, I'd always said it with 'I think' or 'I might be' in the front. I never really let myself just say it out loud.

"I don't know if I can do that," I said. "It's too hard."

"Yes, it's hard, but I promise you'll feel better afterwards," she said.

I took a deep breath. I had to trust what Lilly was saying was true. "I...I'm...I'm gay." I felt my head spinning and my heart racing. It seemed like it shouldn't be that big of a deal. It's not like I hadn't known or it was a shocking revelation or anything, but it was still one of the biggest moments of my life, just saying it. "I'm gay." I said again. "I'm gay! God, that sounds so weird coming out of my mouth!"

Lilly laughed. "You'll get used to it," she said. "Do you feel better?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I kinda do."

"Good. Now, can we go inside now? I'm sort of freezing."

I laughed and followed Lilly inside. For the rest of the day, we just acted normally. We didn't talk about any of the countless things that we still needed to talk about (besides me occasionally declaring my homosexuality to remind myself I'd really done it out loud...and to make Lilly laugh). There would be time for that stuff later. For that time, though, I didn't want to deal with the drama. I just wanted us to be us. Miley and Lilly.


	10. Telling Robbie Ray

Lilly, Oliver and I spent almost every second of every day together since that day at Lilly's house. They were really helping me deal with my sexuality. I wanted to talk to Lilly about our feelings for each other, but I was terrified to be in a room alone with her, and I think she felt the same way. Still, we didn't want to spend any time apart. Oliver, being the fantastic friend he is, understood our situation and made sure that he was available whenever we needed him. It was nice being around people that made you feel safe.

School was an entirely different case. Jake had started pursuing me even more as of late, and I could tell that it was really starting to bother Lilly...even more so than it had before. Still, Lilly never said anything. She'd give him looks that could melt steel, but she wouldn't say anything.

She was doing a lot better than I was. Every time Jake said anything to her, I was all over him. In fact, any time anyone said anything to her, I'd chew them up and spit them out. Lilly said I should keep my cool around everyone, or they'd start figuring stuff out, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want them saying bad things to or about her. Lilly managed to keep her cool, though. I didn't see how she could do it. She'd get crap all day and just take it. Sure, I could see the tears in her eyes just waiting to fall, but she held them back.

Then one day, she just couldn't hold it back anymore.

It was a day like many others. We were at school, trying to avoid those we knew hated us, when the one person we both least wanted to see came walking up to us.

"Well, well, well. It's everyone's favorite queer couple," Jake said with a smile on his face. "How're we doing today?"

"Just walk away, Jake," I said. "I really don't wanna hear your voice today."

"Wow, you're grumpy today," he said. "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?"

"You know, it amazes me how you can spew such hate out of your mouth and still keep up this nice guy bullshit. How do you sleep at night?"

Lilly snickered, and Jake turned his attention to her.

"Shut up, dyke. Nobody was talking to you."

I pushed him back away from Lilly. "You can leave now, Jake."

"Wow, I never took you for the butch one. I always pegged Truscott for that role." He turned his attention back to her. "You know you'll never really have her, right?"

"Shut up, Jake," I said, trying to warn him. I really wished Oliver was there to beat the shit out of him.

Jake didn't turn his attention away from Lilly. "I'm serious, Lil. You may try, and she may even lead you on, but just remember what team she really plays for. Girls like Miley don't go for girls like you."

I could see the insecurities written all over Lilly's face. She couldn't believe the stuff that was coming out of his mouth, could she?

"Jake, I'm serious, just let this go."

"What the hell do you think is going to come out of this anyway?" He wasn't going to drop this, and I felt powerless to stop him. "Did you think that Miley would suddenly realize that she was gay or something?" Jake laughed, and I clenched my fists. "Even if she did, which she wouldn't, what makes you think she'd fall for you? Have you seen the girls around this school? She'd only date you if she were seriously desperate."

I looked over at Lilly, and I saw a tear slip out of her eye. He'd finally cracked her, and it broke my heart to see her that way, but what was I going to do? I grabbed her and held her.

"You are the scum of the earth, Jake," I said. "Do you even have a conscience?"

"What? I'm trying to look out for you, here."

"I don't need you to look out for me!"

"Clearly you do!" he yelled back at me. "Miley, everyone thinks you're gay! Do you really want that?" He stepped closer to me. "Just let go and let me be there for you. I can be the one."

"She doesn't want you." Lilly had said it so quietly that I wasn't sure she'd even said anything at all.

"What?" Jake snapped at her.

"She doesn't want you, Jake," she said louder. "And yeah, you're probably right. She probably won't choose me in the end, but just know, she won't choose you either." She shook me off of her and stepped right into Jake's face. "Hell, at least I know I don't have a chance with her because she doesn't like girls. You have to deal with the fact that she's turning you down because you're a sad, pathetic little boy."

I was shocked. Jake was shocked. I think Lilly was even a little shocked.

"What the fuck do you know, dyke?"

"I know that at least she's my friend. That's more than you can say."

"Yeah, that just shows what you know," Jake replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"Trust me, Miley, you'll realize that you want me."

"I really don't see that happening," I said. "I don't really go for dickheads."

"It's starting to seem like you don't go for dicks at all."

"Oh clever," I said. "I bet you've wanted to use that one for a long time now."

Jake rolled his eyes. "Come on, Miley. You can't honestly tell me you haven't thought about it."

Yeah, I'd thought about going out with Jake, but that was long before he turned into a monster. "Yeah, so?"

"So you know that we're gonna end up together."

"Seriously, Jake, this song and dance is getting old. You're starting to sound like a stalker." I turned to walk away, expecting Lilly to follow, but she stayed there, staring at Jake.

"You make me sick, you know that?" she said to him.

He leaned into her ear and whispered loud enough for me to hear, "You're just jealous because I'm the one who'll get to fuck her."

What followed seemed to happen in slow motion. Lilly pushed Jake away from her and onto the floor. Before I could stop her, she was pounding his face with her fists.

"Lilly!" I yelled, finally regaining my senses. I grabbed her, and it took all of my strength to pull her away.

"You crazy bitch!" he yelled as he picked himself off of the floor. "I swear to God, I'm gonna get you kicked out for this!" By now, a crowd had gathered, and a teacher was hauling the three of us to the principle's office.

After what seemed like hours of getting lectured about how we should know better, we got our punishments. Jake and I got detention, and Lilly got suspended for a week. Oliver felt terrible after he found out what happened. He kept saying he should've been there, but I could barely hear him. I just wanted to see Lilly.

Our parents got called to pick us up early. Jake's parents ranted and raved about how this wasn't their son's fault, and he shouldn't receive any punishment for what he did. My dad volunteered to drive Lilly home when he came to pick me up. All I wanted to do was talk to her about everything that had happened, but I couldn't do it in front of my dad, so I just gave her a hug and told her she could call me. When Lilly was in her house, my dad finally spoke up.

"So are you going to explain exactly how this happened today?" he asked me, pulling away from Lilly's house.

"I'm...I'm not even sure how. It happened really fast."

"Well, I'm sure of one thing. You won't be hanging out with Lilly Truscott anymore."

My eyes got wide. Had I heard him right? "What?"

"You heard me. She's obviously a bad influence. I saw that boy's face. What could cause her to start a fight like that?"

"She didn't start the fight!" As always, I needed to defend her. "This wasn't her fault! This was Jake being stupid yet again, and it just got out of hand!"

"Okay, he was arguing with the two of you, but that isn't any excuse for her to go off on him like that."

"She was trying to defend me!" I yelled at my daddy. "He was starting things with me, and Lilly was trying to stand up for me."

"What did he say that made her do that?"

I didn't want to tell my dad. If I did, I'd have to explain everything, and that was one conversation I didn't think I was ready for.

"It was vulgar, and disgusting." I knew he wanted me to go on. "That's all I can tell you, Daddy."

"No, that's not good enough. You're getting in fights in school, and I want to know why. What's going on?"

He wasn't going to let this go, I was going to have to tell him at least some of the truth. I took a deep breath and looked out the window.

"Jake...Lilly..." I didn't really know where to start. "Dad, Lilly's gay, and Jake's been giving her trouble for it since he found out. There have been rumors going around that we're a couple, and Jake desperately wants to date me, so he stirs things up." I took another deep breath. "He's said some really terrible things, but today, he went to a whole new level. He said...he said that Lilly was jealous because he was going to be the one to...be with me...except he said a lot worse than that." I really hoped my dad would catch on to what I was saying, and by the shocked expression on his face, I could tell he had.

"Oh my God, if I ever get my hands on that boy..." my dad trailed off. "I can't believe I started to blame Lilly. I should've known she was a good girl. You're lucky to have a friend like her."

"So...you're not mad?" I asked.

"Oh, I'm mad," he said. "She still shouldn't have done that to him, but I know I would've done the same in her situation. Hell, I would've done a lot worse."

I looked at him. "Are you mad about...the other thing?" I asked.

"What other thing?"

I was afraid he hadn't heard the beginning of what I'd said. "The part where I said Lilly's gay."

My dad glanced over at me before looking back at the road. "Sweetie, what kind of guy do you think I am? Of course I'm not mad about that."

"I just didn't know how you felt about that kind of stuff," I said, feeling a huge weight lift off of my chest.

"Well, let me just tell you I don't have a problem with it. Those kind of people are just like you and me. It doesn't change who you are, it just changes who you're with, and that really shouldn't matter to anyone."

We pulled into my driveway and walked into the house. I was afraid to speak. I wanted to tell my dad about me now that I knew he didn't hate gay people, but I wasn't sure that he'd feel that same way if it was his little girl.

"Is something else on your mind, kiddo?" he asked.

"I just..." I closed my eyes, then opened them and looked at him. "How would you feel if it was me? What if I was gay?"

My dad looked at me seriously. "Are you, Miley?"

I couldn't say it out loud. I didn't trust my voice, so I just nodded. He looked at me for a few seconds, then took a few steps toward me and gave me a big hug. I held onto him hard and started to cry.

"I was afraid you'd hate me," I said between sobs.

"No," he said. "Don't you ever think I could hate you. As long as my heart is beating, I will always love you, do you understand me?" I nodded, and he just held me tighter. I couldn't believe the day I'd had. A normal day turned into one of the worst days of my life, then turned into one of the best. I'd have to deal with everything once I got back to school, but I was happy that I at least had my daddy on my side.


	11. Belonging

A/N: Well, after a _very_ long hiatus in which I wrote at least twenty different endings for this story, this is it. The end. I know that it's short and a bit rushed, but it's 2 AM and I have school. I just really wanted to finish this story because I hate to leave a story unfinished. I hope that you all enjoy it, and, as always, please R&R.

* * *

I'd talked to Lilly a few times since she'd gotten suspended. Nothing serious, just keeping in touch with each other and making sure we were okay. I'd told her about my dad, and she'd spent almost an hour telling me how proud she was of me. I was becoming more comfortable with myself, but I still hadn't figured out my feelings for Lilly quite yet. The more time that went by, though, the more I felt like I was in love.

Detention with Jake had been more than awkward. The beat-down that Lilly had given him seemed to get him to back off of me a little. The first few days of our detention, he barely spoke to me at all. After that, he started making small talk, and I mostly ignored it. Finally, he couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Why are you still hanging around her?" he asked me. "She's just bringing you down."

"Jake, I really, _really_ don't wanna do this again. I don't like you. Lilly's my friend. Get over it."

"I just don't get it," he said again. "Every girl wants me. I've never had to try, and now I find myself getting lunged at for doing absolutely nothing."

I snapped to look at Jake so fast I thought my neck might break. "Did you just have the nerve to say you didn't do anything? Jake, you outed her and insulted me! You've been tormenting and stalking us for ages! How can you be such an idiot!" I turned to face forward when the teacher looking over us came back into the room. Jake leaned over to me.

"Okay, I messed up, but I didn't deserve to get jumped," he whispered.

"I didn't say you did." I thought he deserved it, but I was trying to be the bigger person. "Still, you need to back off, Jake."

He got quiet and I thought that he was done with me, but as detention came to a close, he followed me out of the room.

"Just tell me why you don't like me," he said.

"Besides the fact that you're an insensitive jerk?" I glared at him as he walked beside me.

"Haha, very funny. Just tell me the truth. Is it because you think Lilly would be jealous or something? You shouldn't worry about her so much."

"Jake, you don't know anything about Lilly...or me, for that matter. If we have to have this conversation again, I might just mess your face up more than Lilly did, got me?"

I saw my dad pull up, and Jake did, too, so he ran off. I got into my dad's car.

"Was he giving you trouble again, bud?" my dad asked.

"Yeah, but it's fine. He's just not used to the word no."

My dad glared out the window at where Jake had been sitting. "Sometimes I wish I could teach him not to mouth off to my daughter."

I laughed. "Daddy, it's okay. I think he's starting to get it...I think...I hope." I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. Once Lilly's back, he won't say anything else."

"You think so?" he asked.

"Did you see his face?" I said, still laughing.

"So...how are things with you and Lilly?" I'd told my about my feelings for Lilly not too long after I came out to him. He'd pretty much figured it out, anyways.

"They're good. Stagnant, but good." I sighed. "I don't know...I guess I'd just like to know what she wants so I can figure out what I want."

"I think you need to figure out what you want on your own, Miles. You can't base your decisions off of her."

"I know, but I'd just...it's just that every time we're about to talk about it, one of us will change the subject. I feel like we're only going to get around to 'the talk' when we have absolutely nothing else to say."

He laughed. "Don't worry. You guys will figure something out. I promise. In the mean time, just keep trying to have that talk."

I nodded. I really did want to figure things out. I was pretty sure that I was ready to be with her after everything we'd gone through together, but I needed to know that she wanted that, too. I was afraid that her feelings may have changed after the fight, so I had to find out what she wanted before I drove myself crazy.

I tried to call her, but she wasn't answering her phone, so I decided to walk over to her place. I knocked on the door and waited for her to answer. When she didn't, I just figured she was at Oliver's. I couldn't have this talk in front of him, so I turned around, ready to go back home, when I heard the door open behind me.

"Miley?" she said. "Sorry, I was asleep. What's up?" She got a look of concern on her face. "Is everything okay?"

I nodded. "Everything's fine. I just...wanted to sort some things out...figure out where we stand."

"We're friends, Miley. There's nothing to sort out." She smiled at me. "Do you wanna come inside and eat or something?"

"No," I said. I needed to do this. Right now. "Look, I...I really like you, and I'd like to be more than friends with you. If you wanna stay the way you are, that's okay, but if you want more, just know I'm here." She just stared at me, so I kept talking. "That probably sounded stupid. No, that really sounded stupid. I didn't mean to freak you out, Lilly. I promise, things won't get weird after this. We can stay the way we are, and-"

"Miley!" Lilly yelled, stopping me from talking. She took a couple steps forward, and the next thing I knew, she was kissing me. It was quick and chaste, but it was still amazing. "I'd love to be your girlfriend, if that's what you were asking." All I could do was nod and kiss her again.

The next day at school, I felt nervous. In all the talking and kissing I'd one with Lilly the night before, we hadn't talked about what we were going to do when we went to school. Would we hide? Would we just act like a couple and let people figure it out on their own? Would we make a point to come out to everyone? I figured we'd just have to play it by ear.

I walked to school with Oliver, who was excited that we'd finally officially gotten together. He could tell I was nervous.

"Don't worry about it, Miley," he said. "Sure, you'll be the talk of the school for about a week, but something else will happen, and nobody will care about you anymore. Besides, you're, like, the queen of our school. People will adjust."

"I don't know, Ollie. There aren't any other gay kids at our school."

"Correction: there aren't any **out** gay kids at our school." He put his arm around me. "Maybe seeing you come out will help some other kid in our school or something."

I took a deep breath. "I can do this. I can play this by ear, and I can be with Lilly." I was really trying to calm myself down, but it wasn't really working. "What if I screw something up?"

"You will be fine! Just chill out!" It felt like we'd just left my house, but we were already at the school, and Lilly was waiting for me in the front.

"Hey," she said as we got closer.

"Hi!" I said, a little too loudly. We stood there, looking at each other and smiling.

"Okay," Oliver said. "I'm gonna go away before I barf. I'll see you guys around, yeah?" We both nodded, and Oliver went off.

"So..." she said.

"So..." I said back. We stayed silent for a second more before bursting into nervous giggles.

"We really need to pull ourselves together. It's not like anything's that different. We'll just talk and walk to class like we usually do."

I nodded. "Except...would you mind if I held your hand?" I asked.

She smiled even bigger, and I couldn't help but giggle a little more. Before she got to say anything, though, we were interrupted.

"Hey, Dyke. You've got some nerve showing up here after what you did to me." That did it. Before I could stop myself, I slapped Jake across the face. He clutched his cheek in his hand "What the hell was that for!"

"I'm not letting you call my girlfriend a dyke anymore!" I hadn't even noticed that I'd called her my girlfriend in front of everyone until Jake spoke up again.

"No," he said. "You can't be...it's not...you're too pretty! You have a guy that wants you! You don't need to do this!"

"I know I don't need to, but I want to. This is who I am." I turned to Lilly and took her hand. "I'm gay."

A collective gasp was heard around us, but I could barely hear it, because all I could focus on was Lilly and that grin that was becoming ever wider on her face.

"Now," she said, "if you'll excuse us, we have a class to get to." With that we walked off. In that moment, I knew that I was in love with her, and that everything that we'd through to get to this point was worth it. I knew that I was still different (hell, we're all different), but I finally felt like I was myself. I finally felt like I belonged.


End file.
